WHAT THE HELL?
by sabrinaw
Summary: Rated for language. Kagome's crazy cousin, Bryan, moves to Tokyou! Then she goes down the well and gropes Miroku, pisses Sesshoumaru off, confronts Kikyou and helps save Shippo! READ IT! Pairings: KagSess MirSan KikInu OCOC
1. kagome's cousin, bryan

**Title: What the hell**

**Disclaimer: I do not own inuyasha. Sorry guys. **

**A/N: Okay, ; I accidntly deleted the first chappy. And I couldn't remember it, so I rewrote it, and this is what I came up with. Sorry. This wont change the rest of the story, I've molded it so it wont affect the rest of the chapters. Have fun reading! **

* * *

Kagome sighed as she looked up at the clock. Where was she? Her mom had said that her cousin would be waiting for her, in the Airport. She'd been waiting for two hours, and still, no sign of her cousin. She sweatdropped. _Not that it would help me any. I don't remember what she looks like. Kami-sama, she could have been here from the very beginning, and I wouldn't know...so I guess I'm the one who's keeping her..._

It had been nearly three years of her shard hunting. She was now seventeen, nearing eighteen. She hadn't seen her cousin since she was six. So that would make...

"Twelve years!" She screached, causing several people near by to stare at her. _How embarrasing _She thought as she sank down into an uncomfortable chair, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

She didn't know why she kept going back now days. Kikyou and Inuyasha were now together. As much as it sickened her at first, she slowly got over it. Now she saw him as a really annoying brother. That wouldn't stop insulting her and couldn't remember her name. Kagome's eyes darkened. Was her name REALLY that hard to pronounce! Sango and Miroku got together also. As much as she was happy for her friend, she couldn't help but feel slightly betrayed as the demon slayer spent more and more time with the lecherous monk. She was even neglecting Kirara, who'd taken to hanging around Kagome. Shippou had found a woman at the village who'd take him in. At first, he accompanied them on their journeys, but soon stopped. Evidently the woman didn't approve of him going off to dangerous adventures. It had been four months since he'd visit them. The last time Kagome'd tried to visit, she'd been greeted with a glare by Shippou's adopted mother, who'd said that she was a whore, and for her to stay away from her son. She slammed the door before Kagome could reply back.

_It seems like the group's just drifting apart lately...if you could call it that..._

Her thoughts turned to the newest addition to the family, her Uncle Reiji. He had long black hair that he kept in a low pony tail and crimson eyes. Ofcourse, he'd told her that they were contacts countless times...but now that she'd met youkai...she did wonder...

She shook her head. If her uncle was a demon, then that ment her mother was one, and then that meant so was she, and she was pretty sure Inuyasha would have sensed it by now if she were...

Her Uncle acted just like an overgrown teenager. Complete with the tattoos and peircings. While she loved him to death, sometimes he really did need to grow up. He was staying with them for the present, because of the loss of his job or something. Her cousin was at a summer camp and was just coming back. Brianna Higurashi. (for some reason in her family, her father took her mother's surname. Why, she'd later find out) Why her cousin was given a non-japanese name was beyond her. Her mother said she was named after a friend of the family, who happened to be american. She shrugged. "Ah well"

Someone tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to jump in alarm. "Dude, chill. It's me"

Looking up, she blinked. The person was a girl, around her age. She had black hair with red streaks that was pulled back into a messy bun, along with crimson eyes. Kagome sweatdropped at seeing the same color her uncle wore. _Apparently they share the same taste for contacts._ But outloud, all she said was, "Who are you?"

"You mean you don't reconize your own cousin?" The stranger asked, an vain throbbing in her forehead.

Her cousin smiled sheepishly before wrapping her in a hug. "Brianna, I missed you!"

"Call me Brianna again, and you die"

She sweatdropped. "Some welcome. So then what do I call you?"

"Bryan"

If she thought it was weird, she didn't show it. Kagome knew personaly how annoying it could be when people called you something other than the name you prefered. She was silent for a bit, before blurting out the one thing on her mind "WHAT TOOK YOU SO FRIGGIN LONG?"

Bryan showed her a bag, which was filled with food from the airport. "I got hungry. So I went to get some food"

The miko blinked. "How long have you been here? How long did it take before you realized I was standing like an idiot, waiting for you!"

Her cousin shrugged as she took a seet next to her, pulling out a thing of nachos and a shake. "Two hours. You came right on time. Good for you. Punctuality is very important these days" She began stuffing her face, nacho cheese dribbling down her chin.

"If you knew I was here than why didn't you tell me who you were!"

"You didn't ask"

Kagome groaned, sweatdropping as she watched her cousin finish down the nachos and reach for a burger. _Just how weird are you?_


	2. ODEN! ODEN! ODEN!

Title: WHAT THE HELL?

Disclaimers: no I don't own inuyasha. _But _kagome took me through the well and I snuck into Sesshy's castle and stole stuff. I am now auctioning them.

Sabrina: (holds up pillow) Sesshomoru once used this very pillow to throw at Jaken. I assure you, it is not a fake.

Fan girls: we'll give you three million dollars for it!

Sabrina: sold! (brings out a tied up Sesshomoru in white boxers)

Sesshomoru: unhand me!

(fan girls rush past Sabrina and start closing in on Fluffy. Kagome suddenly jumps out in front of him)

Kagome: back off! He is MINE!

Sesshomoru (thinking) _I always knew she wanted me. _

Inuyasha: WHAT THE HELL!

Sabrina (laughing evilly): ahh….the power of being the author. Isn't it wonderful?

Inuyasha (glaring at Sabrina): you! come back here! (takes out tetsuiga) WIND SCAR!

(pink fluffy puff balls come out)

Inuyasha (left eye twitching): what. the. hell. is. that!

Sabrina(smirking): one of my _many_ powers. Now lets leave the two love birds alone.

Inuyasha (sees kagome and fluffy kissing): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sabrina: cheer up, there's always Kikyo.

Inuyasha (pales): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sabrina: Will inuyasha get kagome? Of course not! It's WAY to fun torturing him!

Inuyasha (crying): you are evil….

Sabrina: you know what? You've called me worse, so I'm gonna take that as a complement.

**Onward to the story!**

* * *

Bryan and kagome had gotten off the buss they'd taken from the airport, and were headed towards the Sunset Shrine when they ran into Ayume, Eri and Yumi (don't know their names, and I REALLY don't care…)

"Kagome, Hojo's been asking about you!"

She sighed and readied herself for what looked to be a good rant about why she should go out with Hojo.

* * *

THIRTY MINUTES LATER

"bye kagome! We'll talk more about Hojo later!"

She looked at her watch before getting up and starting to walk to her house. Bryan followed after her, rubbing her temples. She had such a migraine right now….

"those are your friends?"

Kagome started climbing up the steps that led to the shrine. "yep."

Bryan followed after her. "tell me, why are you friends with them again?"

"um….i dunno really. I guess it's because I used to be like them."

She (Bryan) shuddered. "scary. Hey, my dad's car is here."

Kagome grinned and opened up the door. Walking into the living room, she saw that her uncle was lounging on the couch, flipping through the channels. He acted like such a teenager sometimes. The guy really needed to try and grow up.

Reiji had black hair that went past his shoulders, which he wore in a low pony tail and flaming red eyes. He'd told kagome that they were contacts, but now that she'd met demons….she wondered…. She shook her head, banishing that thought. Reiji couldn't be a demon! If he was, then that would mean that Bryan was too. The same for her mother, Sota and herself. She was pretty sure that inuyasha would have known if she were a demon or not.

"hey, 'gome. your mom is upstairs, packing up your bag. Something about going to visit some dude named inuyasha….I dunno, I wasn't listening really…." But inside, he was pondering about just who this inuyasha person was. Kag's hanging around some dude named dog-demon? What the hell?

Kagome nodded and headed upstairs, forgetting about Bryan, who was following her.

"I wouldn't if I were you…" Reiji called up. She smirked. _It's a good thing that your not me then, huh?_

Following kagome upstairs, she waited for her to enter the room before getting close enough to hear them. _I shouldn't be eavesdropping like this, after all she is my cousin…_ she shrugged. _Oh well. She'll get over it._

"did you get some more pocky for Shippo?"

"yes, dear."

"ramen for inuyasha?"

"yes, dear."

"are you even listening to me?"

"yes, dear."

"is that all you can say!"

"yes, dear."

Bryan had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing out loud. _Oh yeah. Dad and Auntie are definitely related._

"MOM!"

Mrs. H looked up at her red-faced daughter. "yes, dear?"

Kagome fought to keep her temper under control, but it didn't stop her foot from tapping on the floor and she was pretty sure that she heard someone holding back a snicker from outside the room.

"something you wanted, dear?"

She gritted her teeth to keep herself from screaming. She loved her mother to death but damn, was she dense sometimes! "mother……."

"yes, dear?"

"AARGH!" she stomped out of the room, muttering something along the lines of 'friggen mothers always tryin to friggen piss me off with their friggen—ARRGH!'

Mrs. H chuckled. She gets more like inuyasha every day….

Bryan decided that this was a good time to approach her, while she was off guard. "um, Mrs. H, who is Inuyasha and what the hell is a Shippo?"

"inuyasha is a demon. Well, he's half human and half demon. So, I guess he'd be a hanyou. He lives 500 years in the past, and before you ask kagome gets there but jumping in the well, it's magical, anyway, kagome travels back to the past to gather jewel shards before an evil hanyou named karku or something gets them and Shippo is this little kitsune that she'd adopted who loves candy….."

Bryan raised an eyebrow and began getting lost in her own thoughts, before something hit her. "Mrs. H, does kagome know?"

Mrs. H lowered her eyes to the floor before shaking his head. "no. she doesn't. and I don't want you telling her, got that?"

She smirked, making Mrs. H groan. She smelled a bribery coming along, any minute now….

"fine. As long as I can go with Kagome when she goes through the well."

"you'll have to get Kagome to agree…."

Bryan shrugged and went downstairs to talk to Kagome and her dad. Her dad was cooking super and Kagome was marching around the table shouting "O-den! O-den! O-den! O-den! O-den! O-den!"

"ALRIGHT I'LL COOK ODEN JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! SHEESH!"

"well ya don't have to yell." Kagome huffed.

"kagome." Reiji said in a deadly quiet voice.

"…yes?"

"RUN!"

She gulped and took off. Reiji threw down the pot he'd been holding and took chase after kagome.

"YEAH YOU BETTER RUN YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

"aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

Kagome suddenly dodged behind Bryan. "I'm gonna use you as a shield." She whispered.

"what the fu—"

Reiji lunged at them, knocking them both on the floor. On the floor was kagome, who was laughing her head off, on top of her was Bryan, who was cursing their very existence, and on top of her was Reiji trying to kill Kagome without hurting Bryan.

Mrs. H walked in, took one look at the three on the floor and busted out laughing. Sota came out of his room, wondering what the fuss was all about and Grandpa looked up from his newspaper before going back to his reading, like it was an average night at the Higurashi house, which it probably would be from now on.

"uh…..are they okay?"

Mrs. H laughed. "Bryan, yes. Now, Reiji and Kagome, I'm not so sure about…."

Sota sat down at the counter and began watching the fight, wondering who was going to win.

_Maybe kagome?_

CRASH!

"ALRIGHT, THAT IS ENOUGH!" Mrs. H yelled. The three went on, ignoring her. she growled.

_Mom. Definitely mom._

* * *

NEXT DAY (it's Saturday)

Kagome sat up, wiping the sleep out of her eyes before getting out of bed. Traveling with inuyasha had caused her to become an early riser-not that she was happy about it. inuyasha…the mere thought of his name caused her heart pain.

Having Reiji live next door was a blast, he was more like an older brother than an uncle. Probably because he was just approaching his thirties… he was immature, sure, but he caused her to forget about inuyasha and them, if only for a little while.

But she knew she had to go back. Not for her friends, but for herself. She had to see them. just because they didn't need her didn't mean that she didn't need them. she had to make sure that they were okay. And poor Kirara must be so lonely without her.

"you're thinking about him again." Bryan accused, coming out of the shadows. Kagome jumped, but relaxed once she saw it was only her cousin. Last night, Bryan had caught her crying and had demanded to know everything. After she was done, she had agreed to take Bryan with her to Feudal Japan. All she needed to do was hold on to her.

But now, as she watched Bryan sharpen a dagger, she wasn't so sure about her going. Bryan looked ready to kill Inuyasha, and even Kikyo for that matter. Not that she didn't mind the kikyo part….

Sighing, she slipped on her backpack and headed out her bedroom door.

"c'mon. the sooner we get there, the better……or worse…" the last part was whispered, but Bryan had caught it and growled silently. _You're lucky I can't sit you inuyasha. 'cause if I could, you'd be in deep shit._

Okay, that's the end of that chapter! Any ideas are welcome, but please, keep it straight. No slash pairings, k? I'm not against it at all, (got some of my own even) but I don't want those pairings in this fic. Sorry pplz.

So there ya have it!

Inuyasha: about time wench. I was getting sick listening to you talk.

Sabrina (sniffling): kagome….inuyasha is picking on me!

Kagome: inuyasha! Sit boy!

Inuyasha: BAM!

Sesshomoru (smirking): can I get one of those?

Kagome: um…..

Sabrina: sure!

Inuyasha: what? He can't do it unless he's a miko or whatever! Which he's not!

Sabrina: oh yeah? (types something) try the command now Sesshomoru.

Sesshomoru: very well. Sit.

Inuyasha: BAM! (after getting up) b-but how?

Sabrina (smirking evilly): once again, one of my many powers.

Jaa ne!


	3. saving shippo, delivering babies

Title: WHAT THE HELL?

Disclaimers: normally, I'd make some sarcastic comment about how I don't own inuyasha. But today, I have a surprise for you. Ready? I NOW OWN INUYASHA!

JUST KIDDING! Ha! Did you see the look on your face? It was priceless!

(looks at people who are slowly edging away)

:huffs: well I thought it was funny

On to the story!

"words spoken"

_words thought_

_** telepathic conversation

* * *

**_

Oh, and please read my author note at the end, it's really important. Okay...not really. But it is to me!

* * *

Bryan looked up over and instead of seeing the roof, she saw blue skies and trees. Taking in a deep breath, she began climbing out of the well. Gods, I've missed this.

"hey, when you're done admiring the scenery can you help me out?" kagome's voice called up to her.

She laughed and reached in to grab her hand, pulling her out the rest of the way. "wow, Bry, you sure are strong."

Bryan shrugged and frowned at her skirt, which was already torn. "you seriously need to rethink your clothing options." She picked up Kag's book sack and put it on like it was the lightest thing in the world. "oh, and kagome, don't call me Bry."

Kagome huffed and followed after her cousin. _My my aren't we a little moody this morning!_

But out loud all she said was, "uh, Bryan, the village is this way." She pointed north, the opposite direction in which Bryan was headed. Bryan stopped and turned around, going on the right path.

"I knew that."

_Uh huh. Sure ya did_. Suddenly a yellow fur ball with two tails came flying by, hitting kagome in the stomach. She grunted before petting Kirara. "I missed you too, Kirara." But instead of meowing, she jumped down and took off running. Kagome blinked. "I guess……she wants us to follow her…."

She started running after Kirara's shrinking form, Bryan following after her.

Kagome ran for what seemed like hours through Inuyasha's forest before Kirara finally decided to come to a stop. Hearing a thud behind her she turned, seeing her cousin stopping just a few feet behind her. she'd been so caught up in trying to keep up with Kirara that she'd forgotten all about Bryan.

"okay, Kirara, why did you lead us here?"

The fire neko merely blinked, making her sigh in frustration. "c'mon, you silly neko, there must've been a reason!"

"uh….Kag….I think I found it."

Bryan had pulled away part of a large bush, revealing a dark black shadow neko with red eyes and it looked like it was going into labor. Kagome looked down at Kirara. "uh….no offense, Kirara, but I seriously thought you were a girl…."

Kirara growled at her, her face clearly stated "_she's my friend you baka!_" kagome nodded in understanding and kneeled next to Bryan, who was trying to make the shadow neko relax. "it's useless."

Kagome blinked. "what's useless?"

"for her to give birth. She's got a nasty wound on her chest, right where her heart is. She's using all her energy to give birth to her babies, and as soon as she does, she'll die, leaving them no way to fend for themselves. They need to be with their mother for Atleast six weeks to even have a chance. It's useless…."

The shadow neko growled and shook her head. **_it's not useless!_**

Bryan's head jerked up. "you-you're a telepathic?"

_**hm. Silly girl. All shadow nekos are telepathic. And I suggest you use it too. Kagome looks about ready to call you crazy.**_

Bryan looked at her cousin and sure enough, she was staring at her like she was a nutcase. "okay, I'm not gonna ask. But can't I heal her? I am a miko…."

The shadow neko shook her head. **_I'm afraid not. The wound has affected me too much. All I want to do is name my pups. After that I can die peacefully. But what'll happen to my pups? I don't want them to die. They haven't experienced life yet._**

"we'll take care of them. don't worry." Bryan said, before kagome could object. She nodded and looked towards the village. _I bet Shippo would like to see this. Maybe I should go get him? I know that his mother doesn't like me much, but surely she'd let him see this._

After coming to a decision, she stood up and looked down at Bryan, who was coaxing out the first neko. "hey, I'm going to get Shippo. He'll want to see this. You coming Kirara?"

The fire neko meowed and followed after her, leaving Bryan alone with the shadow neko.

"what's your name?"

_**why do you want to know?**_

"well, I have to call in something, don't I?"

_**in a few moments that wont matter, now will it?**_

Bryan lowered her head down in sorrow. "I'm….I'm sorry."

_**the shadow neko nuzzled her neck gently. c'mon, take a look at my first pup and tell me what he looks like.**_

she looked at the small neko and smiled. "kawaii…."

_**well don't just sit there, tell me what he looks like!**_

"well, he's pitch black, much like yourself, with….crimson eyes."

Said neko blinked cutely before meowing to be picked up. Bryan scooped him up in her hands, bringing him up to her face. He blinked again before licking her nose once and then curling up into a ball to go asleep.

_**oh….here comes another one!

* * *

**_

WITH SHIPPO

* * *

"come back here you worthless piece of filth!"

Shippo flinched as his foster mother slapped him across the face again. Tears sprang in his eyes and threatened to spill over but he didn't dare cry, for fear of being hit again.

He didn't know when the beating's started, all that he know was that he wanted his mommy. But kagome had gone through the well and had sealed it, saying she'd be back in a few weeks, and even then his foster mother wouldn't have allowed him to see her.

The poor kit was bleeding in several places and his left eye was swollen shut. He whimpered and laid on the floor in his own blood.

"get up! You're making a mess!" another kick to his ribs sent him flying across the room. a gasp made the two look up towards the door way.

There stood Kagome sitting on Kirara, whose eyes were glowing red. Kagome jumped off the demon's back and ran over towards Shippo and gently cradled him in her arms. His foster mother growled and punched kagome across the face. In a flash, Kirara had her pinned to the floor. the foster mother growled at her before throwing the neko off and charging at Kagome.

Kagome gently placed Shippo down and glared at the woman, her eyes glowing red. "you dare harm my kit! YOU SHALL PAY!"

There was a big flash of purple light. When it cleared, all that was left of the woman was a pile of bones. Turning towards Shippo, she gathered him in her arms and headed over to Bryan's. she couldn't focus enough to heal him and she'd left her bag next to Bryan and the shadow neko.

"oh Shippo, I'm so sorry." She whispered.

"s'all right. 'luv you mama……"

"I love you too my kit."

And for the first time in months, he smiled.

* * *

WITH BRYAN AND THE SHADOW NEKO

* * *

After a few good pushes and swears from both the shadow neko and Bryan, they had three baby nekos. All they had left was one more, and then the shadow neko would pass away.

The neko that was pitch black and had crimson red eyes was named Akira. He was a shadow neko, like his mother.

The second neko to come out was a girl. She was like an exact replica of Kirara, much to Bryan's amusement. She was a fire neko named Erena.

The third one was pure white with eyes that were such a light blue that they almost matched his fur. Daisuke was a boy and a wind neko.

The last one was coming out now, one that was deep blue like the night skies and had yellow lightning stripes.

**_I shall call her………Emiko_** the shadow neko 'told' Bryan. and now, I must go………

"there must be a way that you can live!" Bryan shouted out, shocking the shadow neko. She peered closely at Bryan and could see the tears that flowed freely down her face.

_**why do you cry for me? you hardly know me.**_

"because. No one deserves to die. Not someone as innocent as you."

The shadow neko snorted. **_I've killed many ningen in my life time. I am no innocent youkai.  
_**

"look at your pups. Could someone so evil create something so beautiful?"

The neko looked around at her babies that were now in a huddle, staring at their mother with large eyes. Their heads were small, so their eyes took up almost half the size of their heads, making them even more cuter, if that was possible.

**_no………I suppose………not……… _**she felt her soul slipping out of her body, hearing Bryan's soft sobs.

_**I-I'm sorry….but……I can't….**_

Bryan got up slowly and dried her tears. It wouldn't do for the koneko to see her so distressed. She sensed kagome coming and sure enough, a few seconds later, she came, holding a battered form in her arms.

"Bryan, it, it's Shippo! You have to help me heal him. I can't focus right now!"

She said nothing but her eyes widened at the bruises and wounds that covered poor shippo's little body. She placed her head on his body and closed her eyes. A few seconds later, he glowed a dark blue before being healed of all wounds.

A thousand images flooded her mind at once. The blood, the pain, the torture that the kit went through. She fought to get out of it, fought to keep her sanity, and fought to stay in control. On the outside, she looked to be in a thoughtful state but on the inside, she was frantically fighting to keep her mind straight.

_Feh. Stupid wench. Always getting in the way._

_Come back here you worthless piece of filth!_

_Inuyasha, why?_

_Mommy! No! mommy come back!_

_Aemi, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me._

_Yuck! This ramen tastes like shit! What, did you burn the noodles again?_

_Mommy….why aren't you here mommy….mommy!_

_Why does he hate me so much? What did I do to deserve this?_

_I'm sorry, I should have been there. I should have done something…_

_No, why, why, why! Why did this happen! It's not fair!_

_Get up! You're making a mess!_

Until, finally, it stopped. Finally, she was able to think clearly, locking away the memories for another time. Though, when that time would come was beyond her. kagome took one look at Shippo and threw her arms around Bryan, sobbing.

"he was so battered up, Bry. Poor little Shippo! And he-he didn't even try to fight back! He just accepted it, like he deserved it! and he doesn't! then, I just got s-so mad! And I just….I blew up! Something snapped! And I-I killed her! I've never killed a human b-before!"

She was so caught up in her grief that she failed to notice that she too glowed a dark blue. Finally she quieted down. "why am I getting over it so easily. Shouldn't I be crying be eyes out? Why am I not crying over her?"

"because, you killed her for the right reason. If you hadn't of killed her, than she would have killed Shippo. You did the right thing." She lied. Sure she did the right thing, but that wasn't the reason that she got over it so quickly. Nor the reason why Shippo was sleeping so quietly.

Kagome nodded and finally pulled away from her cousin, giggling once she saw that the front of her t-shirt was dripping wet. "gomen for crying all over you."

Bryan shrugged and finally remembered the little nekos. "oh! I have to show you the little nekos that the shadow neko gave birth to."

She told kagome to sit down and began to pile all four kittens on her lap.

"oh, kawaii!"

The four kittens looked up at her before blinking sleepily. She noticed that the shadow neko was climbing up in Bryan's lap, trying to get her attention. Finally it gave up the cute tactic and just bit her hand.

"ow!" she glared at Akira, who in return licked her nose. "meow."

"meow to you to."

Kagome giggled and looked down at the three nekos. "what are their names?"

"the one cuddling near Shippo like a teddy bear is Emiko, a lightning neko. The one that just bit me is Akira, a shadow neko, the one that looks like Kirara is a fire neko, named Erena. And the one in your lap is Daisuke. He's a wind neko."

Her cousin blinked. "Is it natural for koneko born of a shadow neko have different elements?"

She shrugged. "I'm guessing that it doesn't matter."

"Bryan………when I attacked that woman………I felt like………I was going into demon rage. Except……I didn't feel like a demon………but I didn't feel like a human either……… tell me………what am I? better yet, what are we? Those healing powers I saw weren't like my miko powers."

Bryan sighed, making kagome ready herself for what looked like to be a long explanation.

* * *

**K, my lil bro is buggin me to get off, so**

**Ja!**


	4. the no names

**Title: WHAT THE HELL?**

**Disclaimers: okay, look here people, it is officially 4:17 in the morning, so I will say this once, and only once I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA! NEVER HAVE AND PROLLY NEVER WILL:ahem: thank you for your time.**

**On to the story!**

_bryan talking telepathically _

_a neko talking telepathically_

**_thoughts_**

**"words spoken"   
**

**

* * *

**

Bryan sighed and began her tale.

"you all know how the world was created right?"

Kagome nodded. "hai, it is said that the gods tried to create some form of beings to roam the earth and had failed several times. Finally, they made humans and demons, but they were still not satisfied. Humans were prejudice creatures while demons were arrogant and blind to the good in the world. And any humans or demons that were pure of heart were mostly killed off in the very beginning. So they wanted to create another kind of humans. So they created mikos and monks. But they too, turned out to be just as prejudice as the humans, and some even _more _arrogant and blind than demons. So they gave up. That's…….that's all I know…."

She snorted in annoyance. "yes, that's all you know. That's all _anyone _ever knows. No one knows that the gods decided to try one more time. No one knows about the no names."

"what are there names?"

"were you not listening? I said they had no names." Bryan smiled at kagome's puzzled expression. "the gods were stumped on how to create the last creatures. They wanted them to be perfect, or Atleast gentle. So they created us. That's right, we are no names. We are a cross between demons, humans and mikos. We have some traits of the demons, the looks of a human, and the blood of a miko. But we are neither. We are not demons for we have no demon blood, not human, for we have demon traits, and not mikos, because we can't do any magic or whatever. We are simply….there. we are the no names."

"so……that….demon rage I was going in……was because of my demon traits?"

Bryan nodded.

"what kind of demon traits do you have?"

"well, it depends on one's personality really. I have the traits of a wolf, kitsune, and fairy youkai. And before you ask, yes fairy youkai do exists, they are just very rare to come across. Like the wolf, I am intelligent, mysterious, quiet and loyal. Like the kitsune, I am clever and mischievous and like the dark fairy, I am cold and untrusting. Not to mention I seem to have a trouble keeping my anger in check….."

Kagome giggled. "well, what traits did you get?"

"from the wolf, I got speed that would rival your friend, koga's and grace. From the kitsune I got control over plants and endless energy. And from the fairy I get healing powers, both emotional and physical, control over shadows, flight and telekinetic stuff."

"and me?"

Bryan closed her eyes and let her senses loose. "hmm….I smell…..dog…..and….angel…..a lot of angel….half angel I believe so……and dragon. Beautiful, pure and hot headed. A very good match for you, if I say so myself."

"hey!" kagome glared at her cousin before getting back to the question. "so, what traits do I have?"

Bryan bit her lip, trying to remember something. "from the dog, you get beauty, but deadly strength, from the dragon, you get skin that is like armor, like the scales that cover a dragon's skin and flight and from the angel, since you are half of that, you get control over all the elements, telekinetic stuff, the ability to bring on back, like the tensuiga and I guess…..that's it……."

Kagome let out a low whistle, looking over at Shippo, who was still snuggling with Emiko. "he's going to have nightmares for a long time, isn't he?"

Bryan shook her head softly. "no. I healed him."

Her head jerked up, eyes narrowing at her. "what do you mean? You can't—"

"I said I got healing powers. Both physical _and _emotional. I healed him."

"well….when you heal him, where do the emotions and stuff go?"

Bryan swallowed hard. "in me."

"WHAT! Bryan, you shouldn't do that! What if it gets to much for you and then you just break down from it? what if—"

"what if, what if what if? Is that all you can say? What if a frog had wings? Than he wouldn't bump his but every time he jumped. What if a frog had six legs instead of four? Than he wouldn't be afraid of the snake. But he doesn't, so he does bump his but every time he jumps. He is afraid of the snake. Bottom line, what's done is done. I can't put them back in Shippo. I can't-I wont! No one deserves to feel those emotions!"

"and you do!" kagome shot back. She knew she should be happy that Shippo wasn't going to have nightmares, but she didn't want Bryan to sacrifice her own happiness for it!

"kagome, I've been doing this for years. I've done it to almost every body I know. My dad after mom was killed, your mom after your dad was killed, you after the whole thing with kikyo and now Shippo. It's okay. _I'm_ okay. Now go to your kit, he needs you."

Kagome smiled at her before running over near Shippo and pulling him into her arms. His fussing stopped and he snuggled closer to her before sighing happily.

She's right you know

Bryan looked down at akira, who looked up at her.

_You're a telepathic? _

Hm. Silly girl. All shadow nekos are telepathic.

She had to smile at that. Even if Akira was only just born, he had an attitude that rivaled hers.

_You sound just like your mother._

Funny, I don't remember her.

_:sigh: you wouldn't. she passed away after you guys were born._

Akira nodded sadly, before curling up in her hand to go to sleep. Looking up at the sky, she saw that it was around four in the afternoon. Kagome yawned and curled up next to Shippo. "hey, Bryan, can you train me?"

"I'm afraid not. You need a demon that has the same traits as you. but I can help with your angel part. Our fairy and angel traits are similar."

"……k……night……Bry……morrow we see Inu…." She fell to sleep

Bryan chuckled softly before falling asleep, noticing a faint pink barrier surrounding them. **_huh. I'll have to tell her about that in the morning…._**

She smiled as she felt akira snuggle closer to her. _**stupid arrogant fluff ball.** _

I love you too Bryan.

_Go to sleep akira._

* * *

**Awwwwww…….isn't that kawaii? I thought it was! Well, here it is. If you don't like my idea about what demon kagome is…….ya know what I say? BITE ME!**

**Now, please review and remember to tell me who Bryan should end up with! Right now, I'm thinking koga……hmm…….**

**Vote for parings! (leave Bryan out and I wont update for a week! I swear it!)**

**Sess/kag**

**Sess/bry**

**Mir/san**

**Mir/kag**

**Mir/bry**

**Koga/kag**

**Koga/bry**

**Hojo/kag**

**Hojo/bry**

**WITH YU YU CROSSOVER**

**Kur/kag**

**Kur/bry**

**Kur/botan**

**Hiei/kag**

**Hiei/bry**

**Yus/kag**

**Yus/bry**

**Yus/keiko**

**Kuwabara/yukina**

**Kuwabara/nobody**

**Kik dies/**

**Kik dies with inu/**

**Inu realizes what an ass he's been and apologizes/**

**Inu gets his ass kicked by a pissed off youko…./**

**Inu gets his ass kicked by a pissed off hiei…./**

**Inu gets his ass kicked by a pissed off sess…./**

**Inu gets his ass kicked by a pissed off shippo…./**

**So that's it! ideas are really appreciated! Now,**

**REVIEW DAMN IT!**


	5. dog bitch? what the hell?

**Title: WHAT THE HELL?**

**Disclaimers: it is really late……so….I'll just keep it short and simple. I don't own inuyasha. Some Japanese dude does……I think….**

**Announcement: parings have mostly been decided. **

**Mir/san**

**Bry/koga**

**Kag? (c'mon people who do ya want? Sess or Kurama?)**

**Inu/kik (poor, poor inuyasha :grins evilly: kikyo on the other hand…)**

**I think I will do the crossover, cause some people are cool with it. I think I'll make it a love triangle with Kagome, Kurama and Sesshomoru with Bryan playing as match maker. Or I might not. Depends on what you guys want. Two of you say you want it, while two of you say no way. Tell me!**

**Okay, enough blabbing! **

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Bryan opened up her eyes and looked at the sky. It was about five in the morning according to her watch. _And Kag always said how that mutt liked to get started at the crack of dawn. _

The little kitsune, what was his name? oh yea-Shippo. Well, Shippo, heard her getting up and nudged his 'mother' awake. "c'mon mama, we have to get up! And you're holding on to my tail!"

After a few more yells of protest and after Bryan started a small fire, they'd gotten kagome up….to some point…

"you're gonna have to cook breakfast, kagome. I have no idea how to cook. Oh, and here, I made this for ya sometime last night when I had a few troubles getting to sleep." She threw a small necklace at her. it was very plain and simple. In fact, if it weren't for the stone that hung from it, it would have been absolutely dull.

"what is it?"

"a necklace, to keep your demon side in check. Since you've went into demon rage, it'll be a lot easier to go into it again, and I don't want you to slaughter anybody when that mutt tries to test your limits. It's not much, but it'll do the trick. I don't think you know enough of your demon abilities to be a real threat if you were to go into demon rage but better safe than sorry."

Kagome smiled at her cousin before slipping the necklace around her neck and then getting to work cooking breakfast. After they were done, they put out the fire and headed off to Kaede's village.

(or is it Inuyasha's village? What the hell is the name of the village! And what do you call a baby neko! Will someone tell me!)

While they walked through the village, kagome found that a lot of people were staring at her and it was starting to piss her off. "hey, Bryan, why are they staring at me like I've grown a second head?"

"It could be that you've grown a second head without my knowledge…" that earned her a slap on the arm from kagome. "or it could be your new look."

"new look! But you said we had a human appearance!"

Her cousin smirked at her before taking out a mirror from her booksack and handing it over to look in. "I said that we had a human appearance. Never said it wouldn't change."

Kagome looked at her reflection and gasped softly. She looked…….beautiful. her once chocolate brown eyes were now a deep, ocean blue that sparkled with mischief. Her hair turned to a darker shade of black, making her natural blue highlights show brighter. Her body had filled out in all the right places, giving her that perfect hourglass figure. Her face looked the same, but there was this, unnatural glow to it that seemed to make you think that there couldn't be someone as pure as she.

"wow."

Bryan nodded before looking at a villager, who seemed to be staring at her with the most horrified look on his face. _Must be my Goth make up. Hmm…._

Without warning, she walked up to him the a glare that would have made Sesshomoru shake in fear from.

The poor man was shaking harder with every step she took. When she was only a few inches away from his face, she stopped, glaring at him.

"BOO!"

"DEMON! AHH!" the poor man took off, running towards the safety of his hut. Bryan laughed evilly, getting weird stares from Kagome and Shippo.

"that was mean Bryan!"

Her cousin grinned. "there's something about this era that makes me feel….I dunno…._wicked_."

Kagome and Shippo looked at each other before gulping. Shippo was hard to handle, and he was a _kit._ Imagine how hard it would be to control Bryan, who had kitsune traits? Kitsune were very mischievous creatures and being way back in the feudal era, where demons roamed free….they were in deep shit.

"Bryan." She called out, effectively stopping the girl from trying to scare more villagers. "c'mon, we have to find Inuyasha."

"well you're no fun." Bryan pouted, crossing her arms, before smirking, thinking of all the stuff she could do to inuyasha.

The finally made it to Kaede's hut and went inside. There was Sango and Miroku, cooking a late breakfast. "hey Sango, hey Miroku!" Shippo called out before jumping on miroku's shoulder and handing Kirara to Sango. "Kirara, I missed you!"

Kirara just stuck her nose up in the air before jumping down and heading back to Kagome. Sango blinked. "what's wrong with her?"

"she's probably pissed because you've been spending too much time with miroku. I mean, hell, even Kagome felt that way!" Bryan blurted out, making kagome wince.

"Bryan!"

"what, it's true!"

"I know, but did you have to say it so….harshly?"

Bryan huffed. "last time I ever help you out with any-"

She stopped in mid-sentence and turned to Miroku, who's hand was on the 'forbidden zone' a/k/a her ass. Suddenly she disappeared, reappearing behind the monk and wrapping her arms around his waist. "I wouldn't grope a demon when she's in heat if I were you. you better watch yourself, or you just might end up with a new mate."

For the first time in what seemed like ages, someone actually out mirokued miroku. He blushed even harder redder than the fire that was lit, making him seem like a over grown tomato. "y-yes my lady."

"oh, it's Bryan. _Just _Bryan." Her eyes were sparkling in triumph, clearly stating that she was having fun torturing the poor monk.

Finally she let him go, just as Sango realized what had happened and busted out laughing. "I can't believe you, Miroku, someone finally agrees to bare your children and you turn them down!"

Bryan leaned on Miroku's shoulder. "children?"

"uh-ah ha! I am sorry, but I am with Lady Sango!" he ran over and grabbed Sango's ass, getting a

"HENTAI!" followed by a slap. Bryan raised an eyebrow. "oh yes, I can see. But if you ever need a woman to grope, feel free to help yourself. And I wont even hurt you. actually, now that I think about it, it would be you who'd cause me pain. Painful pleasure and—"

"STOP!" miroku had finally had enough. He ran outside mumbling about women and how they were pure evil. Bryan grinned before plopping down next to Sango. "that was fun."

Kagome blinked. "uh, Bryan, you weren't serious, were you?"

"about what?"

She sweatdropped. "nothing."

The door opened up to reveal Inuyasha and Kikyo standing in the door way. Bryan took one look at Inuyasha's ears and immediately attacked him. he dodged, trying to get away, but only succeeded in getting his ears pulled harder by Bryan. "ooh….kagome you never said he had cute little ears!"

Shippo blinked. "is it a family thing?"

Kagome shrugged. "It might be. First me, then mom, then Bryan."

"hey, get off me you stupid wench!"

Bryan grabbed one of his ears and began shouting in it. "okay, listen here you little puppy, my name is Bryan. Okay? Bryan. B-R-Y-A-N Bryan! Is that soooooo hard to say? It's a lot easier than saying Kagome, now isn't it!"

"get the fuck off me!"

Smiling at her victory she got off him and looked at Kikyo. "sup coz?"

Kikyo blinked. "I hardly believe that we are cousins."

"well if Kagome is your reincarnate or whatever and she's my cousin than that means that you are my cousin too, right?"

"no."

Bryan blinked and scratched her head, saying it over mentally. "so, you're my aunt? You look ugly enough."

Kikyo glared at kagome, as if to say "this is all your fault!" before turning back to Bryan. "no."

"great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-sister?"

"how can someone be a great-sister? It's impossible."

Bryan sat down on the floor again, thinking it over before standing up again. "I got it! you are my sister's, cousin's twice removed uncle's, roommate's brother's friend's nephew's…..hold on I lost my place….oh yeah. Sister's, cousin's twice removed uncle's roommate's brother's friend's nephew's long lost twin-am I getting warmer?"

Kagome bit her cheek to keep from laughing her head off. The site at seeing a smile Bryan and a twitching Kikyo was very amusing. But she lost it when Bryan said, "oh wait, I don't have a sister. Hmm…. This could take a while."

Inuyasha glared at Bryan and Kagome, who were laughing at his soon-to-be-mate. "who the fuck are you!"

Bryan shrugged. "I dunno. A bitch, wench, annoying, stupid, desperate cry for help, the list goes on and on…."

Kagome giggled. "he asked _who _you were not _what _you were."

Her cousin shot up and saluted Inuyasha. "Bryan Higurashi, reporting for duty. I am on a strict mission to annoy the hell out of all of you."

Sango and Shippo sweatdropped. "so good so far."

They were walking out, looking for jewel shards, when Bryan decided to annoy Inuyasha.

"hey, inuyasha, did you know that your name means dog-bitch?" (I looked it up!)

The hanyou glared at her before turning his attention back to Kikyo.

"so does that mean that you're a dog who loves to bitch or does that mean that you're a female?"

"SHUT UP!"

Bryan smirked at her prey evilly. Kagome groaned. _Oh he shouldn't have said that. _

"you shut up!"

"you!"

"you!"

"MAKE ME!"

"believe me inuyasha, if I would have made you, I would have made you a whole lot quieter!...and cuter…..and nicer….and smarter….WAY smarter….."

"AARGH!"

Bryan smiled at him before looking at Miroku. _It's been a while since I've annoyed him. let's see if we can fix that…._

Slowing her pace down, she was soon in the back with the monk, who was sweating in nervousness.

"I'm sorry."

His head jerked up. "wha?"

"I shouldn't have said that, earlier in the hut. It was mean and cruel. I'm sorry." Her eyes weld up with tears making him feel guilty. He wrapped her up in a hug, for once not being perverted, making all the others stop in shock.

"uh…."

Suddenly Miroku tensed, before blushing six shades of red. sango and kagome got a look at what caused him to tense up and cracked up in laughter. There, resting on his ass, was Bryan's hand, giving it a full massage.

Poor miroku didn't know what to do. He sure as hell couldn't slap her and yell "HENTAI!" like Sango did to him-she was a woman for crying' out loud! Deciding to spare his friend the embarrassment, Shippo took in a deep breath and stated that there was a hot springs just two miles ahead.

When they arrived, the girls got together their bath stuff and headed off to the hot springs.

"and no spying Miroku!" sango yelled at him before disappearing. He heard a chuckle behind him and felt Bryan press herself against him. "spying? I never knew you were THAT naughty."

He moved away quickly, shaking softly. "a-tha-uh- I don't do anything!"

"really?" bryan purred. "if you ever feel like doing more than just spying…don't hesitate to ask."

She winked at him before running up to kagome and the others at the hot spring.

Okay dudes, I made this one funny cause I felt that the story was getting WAY too serious for my taste. Next chapter: flirting with fluffy

Oh and Bryan will not get with Miroku, she was just messing with him. can you guys make it clear? Do you want the yu yu crossover or not! And if so, Kurama or Hiei! I've already decided that my character was going with koga, but if you have any ideas, I'm game.

I looked at some inuyasha comic books. One was where koga and inuyasha first met. It was so funny. But have you ever wondered how he can fight in that skirt of his? Like, did they have underwear back then? And if they didn't, when he does a flying kick to his opponent, like, do they catch a glimpse of the family jewels? I was just pondering on that.I know, bad thoughts! Later and

REVIEW DAMN IT!


	6. flirting with fluffy

Disclaimers: um……I don't own them……not now anyways. I offered them three bucks and they turned be down. Go figure?

_thoughts _

"words spoken"

neko talking telepathicaly 

**bryan talking telepathicaly.****  
**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter….what is it? five I think? Six? Oh well, I'll think of it later….**

**Flirting with Fluffy**

* * *

"look out inuyasha! The big demon has a Shikon shard in it's fist!" 

"stupid wench! Why didn't you tell me sooner!"

Kagome growled at the comment but said nothing, launching arrow after arrow at the demons that were attacking them.

_If they would just give up the jewel peacefully than I wouldn't have to get so bloody! But noooo! They have to act all macho. Stupid demons with their stupid pride!_

Bryan was having her own troubles as well. As soon as she killed one it seemed that three would take it's place. _Where the hell do they keep coming from!_

She sliced one's head off….and three more took it's place.

"what is it too much to ask for you to die!"

So caught up in her fighting she never noticed one sneak up behind her and plunge its sword through her stomach. She rolled her eyes and pulled the sword out. The wound was already healing. Five seconds later it was no more. "baka youkai. Thinking you could kill me."

Inuyasha looked over at her with amazement before he continued slaying demons with her wind scar. Kikyo did nothing, she just stayed high up in a tree that inuyasha had put her in, looking over the area with a bored expression. Suddenly she arched an arrow and fired it.

Bryan turned to see where it was going and growled. It was heading straight for Kagome! She knew what she had to do but damn did she hate doing it! she made her winds come out her back. Unlike angel wings her were thinner and more faerie like.

_These things are so girly. Maybe I can dye them black?_

She flew with unnatural speed and caught the arrow just before it hit kagome. Looking over she saw that Sango and miroku were just finishing up with the demons, while Inuyasha was running over to Kikyo asking if she was "okay"

"I'll kill her!"

She marched over towards Kikyo and Inuyasha before slapping Kikyo so hard she fell to the ground. Inuyasha swiped his claws at her face. The wound opened up before closing. He gaped. Even he didn't heal that fast and he was a hanyou!

"tell your bitch that if she ever tries to kill my cousin again, I'll kill her."

"Feh! You don't have any proof!"

She threw him the arrow in her hand before going to heal the others. Kagome's wounds were already healing up right now, and she wasn't even trying!

"why do you heal so fast?" Miroku asked as he leaned against a tree. Bryan smirked.

"we are no names. We have miko blood in us, human appearances and demon traits. Now, you know that Mikos already heal faster than regular humans and demons heal a lot faster than them, along with the rate that a human heals, so all together, you get super fast healing powers making us kind of immortal, I guess."

Inuyasha sighed. _Great. Now I can't even kill her! _

Kagome picked up on that thought and giggled. Suddenly Kirara showed up with the four little nekos. (forgot about them!)

Akira (does anyone know if that is a boys name or not? It says on the internet that it's a guys name, but I've seen it been used for a girl….) jumped on her shoulder while Emiko jumped on Shippo's shoulder and Daisuke jumped on Kagome's.

There is a youkai coming. He looks like that loud mouthed one standing over next to the one that smells like death. 

Bryan retold them what akira told her, getting glares and tense expressions.

"Sesshomoru is on his way!"

Akira rolled his eyes at the half demon. No it's some flying horse in a tutu.

She chuckled softly, getting weird looks from the others before they prepared ready for battle.

**Another battle! I just got done with the first one! Why must the gods torture me so?**

I don't know. I've always wondered how the gods work, but alas, they do not take their time to explain to me. 

**Smart ass.**

Maybe, but it's better than being a dumbass.

**I'm not going to bother to explain how neither are a good thing to be called.**

Good, cause it would be a waste of your time.

that's when Sesshomoru decided to make himself noticed.

"I see you've added another wench to your group, inuyasha."

Bryan raised an eyebrow at kagome. "whose the ice-cube?"

Kagome snickered. "that's Sesshomoru."

"that's Lord Sesshomoru you wench."

Bryan let out a low whistle. Kagome groaned. "not now Bryan."

Inuyasha smirked. "wait a minute. If she's got something to say then she should say it!"

"well, truth is Sesshomoru…..you are the most…..and I MEAN the most….."

Kagome groaned. "here it comes…."

"sexist being I've ever seen!"

Every one except Bryan and Sesshomoru fell over.

"you're siding with the enemy!" inuyasha asked.

"no…..I'm flirting with the enemy."

Before kagome could stop her she began walking around the demon lord.

"Very nice ass. Very nice. Not a bad body too. Oh who the hell am I kidding? It's a great body! Might I just say that. A very nice body. And that face! Very handsome!"

Sesshomoru's eye began to twitch. Bryan smirked and continued. "beautiful yet deadly. Fluffy yet tough. Hey Kag! Ya think he's neutered!" (let's just pretend that they know what neutered means.)

Inuyasha was rolling on the floor laughing his head off, along with Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kagome and Kilala. Kikyo just had a smirk on her face.

Sesshomoru growled and took out Tokijin and plunged it into her stomach. Bryan gasped dramatically as he pulled it out. Kagome rolled her eyes as Bryan fell to the ground.

"oh no! I've been killed! Forever destined to die unloved! Oh whoa! Poor pitiful me!" she jerked three times. Kagome sighed. "ya done yet?"

Bryan picked her head up. "hold on, I got another one. Ahem. Oh why must thy world be so cruel? What have I done to anger thy gods so much to have" she looked up at kagome.

"what's his name again?"

"Sesshomoru."

"Sesshomoru? Wow! He's even got a sexy name! anyway? Where was i? oh yes—

What have I done to anger thy gods so much to have Sesshomoru kill me? 'Tis an outrage! An outrage I tell ya!"

This was just too much for poor kagome. She was on her knees from laughing so hard.

Sesshomoru growled. "you dare mock this Sesshomoru?"

Bryan seemed to think about it for a minute. "is that a trick question?"

Oh if Kikyo wasn't laughing before, she was laughing now.

Kagome finally sat up. "c'mon Bryan! I think you've tortured the demon lord enough for now."

"aw come on Kag! I was just getting started."

"Bryan get your sorry ass up before I—"

"who said I was sorry?"

"Bryan!"

Bryan sighed and looked up at Sesshomoru. "ya see what I gotta put up with?"

Sesshomoru just glared at her as she got up and looked down at her bloodied outfit before looking up at him again. "now that wasn't so nice."

Sesshomoru growled at plunged his sword into her heart. Bryan giggled. "take it easy fluffy."

Everybody fell over at hearing his nick name for him. Sesshomoru glared at her. "fluffy?"

Bryan nodded innocently. "just like a little fluff ball." She ruffled his hair playfully and giggled when he caught her wrist and snapped it.

"oh no. see, when you snap it, you gotta snap it like this—"

He winced as he heard the sickening snap of her wrist before she glowed a bright red and was healed. "see?"

Kagome rolled her eyes again and sighed. "Sesshomoru, this is Bryan. My very demented and twisted friend. Bryan this is Sesshomoru. A fluff ball who is Lord of the Western Lands."

She was hoping she'd get the point, but that was like waiting for hell to freeze over.

Bryan blinked. "they let a fluff ball rule the land? Odd……but then again….he is a very CUTE fluff ball."

Inuyasha was absolutely howling by now. "haha-looks like -haha- you've -haha- got a -haha- new girlfriend—HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Bryan rolled her eyes before smiling at Sesshomoru. "now, why were you here again? I know it wasn't just to blush seven different shades of pink."

"I'm here to retrieve the tetsusuiga from my half-brother."

Bryan glared at Inuyasha. "dude! You stole your brother's sword? Okay that is crossing OVER the line pal!"

"line?"

"yes! The line of what you can or can not do to your brother. I mean, trying to kill him is one thing, but STEALING! You are pure evil!"

"um, Bryan, Inuyasha didn't steal the sword. He and Sesshomoru get together and fight for it. who ever stays alive wins. So far, it's been a tie, with Sesshomoru always running off and everything…"

"so it's like a fight to the death?"

Sango nodded.

"oh, well then that's okay!"

**Inu-crew falls over anime style**

Suddenly Bryan gets an idea. "hey, inuyasha, you don't want kagome anymore, right?"

"right…."

"and kagome, you hate Inuyasha's guts, right?"

"right….."

"so how about you and fluffy get together?"

"WHAT!"

They all looked over at Sesshomoru, who was breathing hard from his explosion.

"dude…." Bryan stammered. "you yelled. See kag? He isn't an arrogant ass most of the time!"

"human…." Sesshomoru growled, earning himself a blank stare. "I'm not a human."

"miko then."

"not a miko either."

"demon."

"nope……."

"god?"

"nope."

"then WHAT in kami's name are you!"

"I'm a no name."

He raised an eyebrow getting a squeal out of Bryan. "you should do that more often! You look so hot when you do! See Kag? He's ten times cuter than that mutt over there."

"well I know that!" kagome blurted out. Inuyasha gaped at her.

"you think that Sesshomoru is cuter than me!"

Bryan snicker. "yeah. He doesn't have cat ears on his head."

"these are dog ears!"

She shook her head. "I've seen a dog and they don't have those ears. Their ears are longer and they droop." Here is where she smirked. "kind of like Kikyo's breasts."

"WHY YOU!" the hanyou exploded. "COME BACK HERE!"

She hid behind Sesshomoru, smiling. "see? You've seen her naked so you must know that I'm right."

"how the hell did you know that!"

Bryan shuddered. "the scent of sex was so thick last night I had no problem guessing where you were."

She yelped as he drew out the tetsusuiga. "fluffy-help!"

All he did was step to the left while the wind scar came at her. she screamed and smelted into the shadows.

They all blinked. "w-where'd she go?"

Suddenly she popped up in front of Sesshomoru and slapped him across his head.

THAP!

He glared at the no name in front of him while rubbing the bump on his head. She reminded him so much of inuyasha that he couldn't help but lose his cool.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!"

"FOR LETTING HIM ATTACK ME!"

"WELL WHAT WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO!"

"HOW ABOUT STOP HIM?"

"WITH WHAT!"

She sweat dropped. "he-he. Good point."

They turned to see the Inu-crew staring at them like they were crazy. WHICH they prolly were, but never mind.

"what?"

Inuyasha began laughing his head off. "I've never seen Sesshomoru lose his cool so fast!"

Bryan glared at him before smirking evilly. Taking out a rosary, she threw another one around Inuyasha's neck. He gulped. "oh sh-"

"down!"

THUD!

"down!"

THUD!

"downdowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndown!"

On the ground laid inuyasha in a fifty foot hole, twitching. "bitch."

"DOWN!"

Thud!

"Ow."

He knew he was in deep shit. Kagome hadn't sat him in ages and he wasn't use to getting slammed into the ground in forever.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!"

"for calling me bitch!"

"well what was the first ones for!"

"because I felt like it!

Sesshomoru sighed and decided to leave. It was obvious that he wasn't going to get the tetsusuiga today. but as he made his fluffy cloud appear under him to take him back to the castle, he failed to notice that Bryan was following him below, intent on setting him up with kagome.

**

* * *

**

**How was it? did ya like it did ya hate it? do you want yu yu crossover or not? Sessy or not? One more chapter until you have to decided. After that, I'm deciding for myself now have a nice day (or night) and-**

**REVIEW DAMMIT!**


	7. pride? what pride?

Disclaimers: don't own 'em. Maybe it's a good thing, too… I mean, come on! Me, with that type of power? Who are we kidding? I mean, do we WANT all the viewer's to go insane?

Recap:

_Sesshomoru sighed and decided to leave. It was obvious that he wasn't going to get the tetsusuiga today. But as he made his fluffy cloud appear under him to take him back to the castle, he failed to notice that Bryan was following him below, intent on setting him up with kagome. _

End Recap

Kagome saw her cousin run off and followed her, wondering what she was up to. She had just met her cousin, but from what she could tell, it didn't take Bryan long to get into trouble.

Bryan suddenly stopped, making her run into her back, sending them crashing to the ground.

"OW! Why did you stop like that? Do you WANT me to die?"

"No…but they do…"

She looked to where her cousin was pointing and gulped. In front of them were about ten oversized men, and oversized like muscular, not fat. And they all had weapons that looked very sharp and painful if they were to connect with their skin.

Standing up, Bryan went to open her big mouth, when a guy spoke up.

"Don't even bother trying to fight us, girlies. There are more of us coming."

She looked at em with wide eyes. "More?"

"Yup."

"Like…big guys like you, more?"

"Yeah…"

She scuffed her shoe on the ground before looking up at them. "How many more?"

"I don't know…20, 30, does it matter?"

"Oh it matters. Is that a guess, or what?"

"Uh… a guess…I guess. Yeah, about 23, give or take a few."

"And how much would a few be?"

"…one…two…no, no, one."

Kagome leaned towards her cousin, whispering. "Okay, so what's the plan? What do we do?"

Bryan's eyes went even wider as the rest of the men started coming in. She had to stand on her tippy toes to see past all of them.

She began stretching, making Kagome wonder what she was up to.

"Three."

"What about it?"

"That's the number I'm gonna count to. 1….2…."

"Wait! What do we do after that?"

"Run like hell….3!"

"What?"

"You heard me! RUN!"

She watched Bryan take off and followed her lead, yelling all the way.

"Damn it Bryan, don't you have any pride?"

"Rant later, Run now!"

At last, they lost the men and were laying on the ground, gasping for breath.

"well that was amusing."

Bryan groaned. "PLEASE tell me you have some water with you, Fluffy."

Sesshomoru stepped out from behind a tree, smirking at the two exhausted girls.

He had seen Bryan following him and had grown curious when she stopped. Going back, he saw all the men surrounding them, and heard Bryan question them before running away like a coward, Kagome following suit.

"where's your pride?"

She sat up and huffed.

"it saw all those men with pointy swords, jumped outta my back pocket and said 'ta hell with pride, RUN bitch, RUN!'"

Kagome groaned. "you do realize, that they're probably laughing themselves stupid, don't you?"

"there's nothing wrong with running!" Bryan yelled. "those who run, live to run another day."

He snorted before looking at her with narrowed eyes. "why were you following me, wench?"

"wench? I'm sorry, I don't know a wench, do you, Kagome?"

Kagome shook her head, making him growl before picking her up by the throat. "ow! Parts….on body….hurting…bad…you causing it!"

Bryan stood up and rolled her eyes.

"Fluffy, put her down. She doesn't know. I was following you so…that…uh…so……….you could teach Kagome how to control her demon traits! Yea, lets go with that one!"

He dropped Kagome to the ground and began walking away. "no."

_Kagome, start crying!_

_**What! Why?**_

_Remember when I was fake crying with that monk?_

_**Yeah…**_

_Well, I saw Inuyasha flinch. And if Fluffy is anything like him…_

_**I can't just cry…**_

_Think of something sad! Hurry! He's leaving! _

**_Think of something sad? Like what?_**

_Uh…Fluffy and Kikyo kissing!_

Sesshomoru stopped walking as the scent of salt and water hit his sensitive nose, making him wince ever so slightly. He never could stand to see a woman cry, human or demon.

Kagome started sniffing before letting out a wail that hurt his ears.

"Fine, this Sesshomoru shall train you."

Bryan stood up, looking at her bare wrist. "well, look at the time, I gotta go! Fluffy, have fun with Kagome and – "

He glared at her, making her freeze on the spot. "where do you think you're going?"

"uh…me? away…you know… you training kagome…me…going away…"

His smile petrified her like nothing else. She thought he'd look cute when he smiled…but now…it just looked unnerving.

"okay…I'll just be going now, BYE!"

Kagome rubbed her shin, glaring at her cousin. "That hurt!"

She took off running, only to stop as she felt her shirt being grabbed by Sesshomoru. "what hurt?"

Bryan paled, knowing her cousin would spill. "Kagome…for once…keep your mouth shut."

"why? You kicked me! HARD!"

A ripping sound made Sesshomoru look down, only to find himself holding onto a torn t-shirt and Bryan running away, her red tank top showing off brightly.

"she's not sane."

Kagome snorted. "you're JUST starting to notice? Wow, and here I thought you had potential."

He walked off, reappearing with a handful of hair, Bryan's head attached to it.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! Let go!"

She waved her hand around until she felt her hand connecting with his face.

"let go! Let go! I'm going bald here! HELP! KAGOME, STOP LAUGHING AND HELP ME!"

Her only response was "hahahahahahahaha" followed by a "yeah right!"

"HELP! KIDNAP! Wait, I'm not a kid. Okay… HE'S KIDNAPPING A NO NAME! NO PERSON IS SAFE! DEMON LORD GONE MAD!"

He just ignored her and made his fluffy pink cloud appear, getting a good snicker from Bryan and Kagome.

"what?"

"nothing." Kagome choked out through her laughter. "I just…I can't imagine you trying to look all big and bad on a pink fluffy cloud."

"would you like to see me push you off this pink fluffy cloud?"

Bryan and Kagome started laughing, making him growl.

"sorry! It's just…you don't look that bad when you're surrounded by pink stuff."

Kagome looked at the pink stuff, hearing her stomach rumble. Maybe it was the fact that she was hanging around her insane cousin too much, or maybe it was because she was simply hungry, but for whatever the reason…she scooped up a handful of the stuff, sniffing it before taking out a bite.

Bryan grinned and followed her lead, gulping in the pink stuff. instantly they regretted it. "EW!"

Sesshomoru watched them turn an interesting shade of green, and shook his head, wondering just how much Kagome was like the crazy girl after all.

Hey dudes! um…Koga comes in the next chapter, okay, bye! (we're on vacation, and they have wireless internet. Yay!)


	8. seriously, WHAT pride?

**Disclaimers: uh…I don't own them. Yet. But in my own stupid fantasies, I have power! Oh yes! Lots and lots of power! Anything can happen in my world! Like, for instant, when someone goes to take the last gummy bear, a lightning bolt will zap them good! MMMWUHAHAHAH! Take that my stupid brother! Ha! Who's the bitch now!**

**And no! I am not crazy! I took my medicine today, so THERE. (By the way, my pink polka dotted squirrel, Stanley, says to stay the hell away from the pecan trees! His family has to make a living SOMEHOW!) **

**!#42!$!$!$!#$!#$!#$!$!#$!#$!$!$!$**

**S**esshomoru came out of his library, walking to his room and stopped. In front of his door, was Kagome, peaking in the key hole, and Bryan jumping up and down behind her?

"Lemme see! Lemme see! I wanna spy on fluffy too!"

Kagome shook her head. "No! You can wait til my turn is over."

Her cousin pouted. "Fine. When is your turn gonna be over, anyway?"

"Soon."

"And how long is soon?"

She grunted. "As long as I fuckin feel like!"

"But kagome, that isn't fair!"

"Never said it was!"

Bryan began shoving her out of the way.

"Lemme see! I wanna see!"

Kagome won the battle, and Bryan was tossed to the floor, swirls in her eyes. She sighed before going back to jumping behind her, yelling for her turn.

Sesshomoru crept over towards Bryan, and tapped her shoulder, making her turn around. "What am I doing in there?"

"Hold on, I'll ask." She poked her cousin in the shoulder. "What?"

"Fluffy wants to know what he's doin in there."

Kagome sighed. "I haven't been able to really—wait, what?"

They both turned around and looked at him. Now, kagome was blushing, but Bryan was giving him an big grin.

"Hiya Fluffy! Did you know that you have a twin brother?"

That got her a weird look from the both of them.

"What?"

He narrowed his eyes at them. "What were you doing, trying to spy on me?"

Kagome cleared her throat, trying to think of a way out.

"I think the real question is…**WHAT** were you doin out of your room!"

Bryan could see that he wasn't buying it and gulped.

"Itwaskagomesideaiwasforcedintoithonestjustkillherfirst—BYE!"

He watched her run away before turning to look at Kagome, who was smiling sheepishly. "Hehe. What she said."

She hightailed it out of there, running after her cousin, who was yelling on the top of her voice,

"**IT WASN'T MY FAULT**!"

"**BE AT THE DOJO IN AN HOUR**!" He roared after them, smirking as they yelped and started running faster.

**A**n hour later, he entered the dojo to find Kagome poking Jaken, who seemed to be passed out, with a stick, and Bryan yelling at her.

"I can't believe you killed it!"

Kagome blinked. "I didn't kill it. He's just…broken…I think."

"Ya know what you have to do, don't you?" Bryan asked.

She shook her head, making her continue.

"Well it's obvious! You gotta kiss him!"

"What?" She looked down at the thing. She did NOT want to have to kiss it.

"He's a toad demon! And everyone who's smart knows that the only way to bring a toad demon back to life is by kissing him!"

It was official. She'd been hanging around her insane cousin for too long! What she said was actually making sense! Well, to her anyway. Sesshomoru, on the other hand, was shaking his head, wondering just how many times Bryan's mother dropped her on the head when she was a baby.

"Are you sure about this?" She asked as she leaned over the toad demon before backing away. No, she just couldn't. It was too gross.

"Trust me. I've seen it a MILLION times before."

Kagome looked at her. "In REAL life?"

Her cousin gave her a look that said 'duh'.

"But…it'll scare me emotionally for the rest of my life!" She shrieked.

Bryan snickered. "Yeah, but if Fluffy sees what you've done to his little pet, you wont HAVE a life." She stopped, scratching her head. "Wait, come to think of it, you don't have a life now, as it is. Never mind!"

She slapped her in the arm before leaning over the toad. She was just about to kiss him….when he opened up his eyes and let out a scream.

"**AAH! HUMAN**!"

"**AHH! YOU'RE ALIVE! GOD HAVE MERCY ON US ALL**!"

She looked over at Bryan, who was staring at Jaken, who had passed out.

"I think you killed it again."

Kagome growled. "I thought you said you'd seen it before!"

"I have!"

"Where? On some stupid cartoon?"

Bryan stuck her tongue out at her. "No! On a cartoon **MOVIE**."

Just as she was about to kill her stupid cousin, Sesshomoru made himself noticed by clearing his throat. Kagome groaned. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough to question both of your sanities right now."

They huffed, looking away. He grabbed a sword down from the wall and watched as Kagome took a wooden one, and Bryan picked up a staff. They looked at her like she was crazy, which, she probably was, but did they **REALLY** have to stare?

"What?"

"What's with the staff? What happened to your sword?"

Her cousin snorted. "I decided that swords are too violent. All the blood that it spills, and the task of cleaning it alone is—"

"You forgot your sword, didn't you? She asked incredulously.

"So what if I did!" Bryan shouted. "There's nothin wrong with that!"

Kagome giggled. "So _that's_ why you ran away from those men! You didn't have your sword!"

She pouted. "Wasn't a fair match anyway. Fifty overgrown men against us two. What the hell do they think we are anyway, Gods?"

Sesshomoru blinked. "You mean to tell me that you've been fighting all this time, without knowing hand to hand? How did you survive?"

"By sheer dumb luck, of course."

**!$!65#$$74&$$#!$!$**

**B**ryan opened up her eyes and blinked. Every thing ached. Even her hair ached! It was just like the time when she'd fallen asleep on the beach that day. And she didn't even get a tan. But boy did she look like a lobster!

"Kagome."

Her cousin groaned. "What?"

"I can't move."

"Neither can me."

They groaned.

Silence…and then…

"Kagome?"

"Yeah?"

"We got dojo sessions with Fluffy in five minutes."

"He's just gonna have to come get us. Cause I can't sit up right now…"

"Ditto."

**#!#$!$&#&$#!$!$#&$**

**S**esshomoru growled as fifteen minutes ticked by. After their session yesterday, the two had crawled into bed, nearly killing him with a glare when he suggested that they go with him to patrol his lands. Giving up, he marched into their room, his anger increasing as he saw them laying on their beds, not moving or anything.

"Get up, or you'll grow stiff."

"Too…late…" Kagome groaned. Bryan whimpered. "I have to go pee."

It took forty-five minutes for her to get to the bathroom, because she refused to let him carry her there, and then fifteen minutes to do her business, and then thirty-seven minutes for them to get dressed.

Finally, they walked into the dojo and collapsed on the floor before Sesshomoru, groaning at his smirk.

"Not now, Fluffy." Brian muttered, trying to muster some energy to shove Kagome off of her. When she tried, her muscles reminded her how sore she really was, and decided that where kagome laid was fine.

"Get up, the two of you." He pulled kagome to her feet before doing the same to Bryan, who looked like she was near tears.

"I gotta go to the bathroom again."

He had never seen someone sob from opening up a door before. Kagome looked over at him and blinked. "I can't feel my pinky toe."

She plopped down on the floor and ripped off her sock, revealing all five toes, and began kissing her pinky one.

"I'll never abuse you again! I swear it!"

Sesshomoru was forcing himself not to gag. They were a bunch of babies! Bryan finally came out and just stood there.

"Aren't you going to sit?" He asked.

"If I move, my head'll explode."

He shook his head, sighing. "Pathetic. If the enemy were to attack right now, you'd be killed in an instant."

She glared at him. "Screw the enemy!"

"You'll have to learn to deal with the pain, the more you practice, the more it'll hurt."

"Then I don't wanna practice no more!" She yelled. "I'm so pissed off at you right now; I'd stomp out of the room if I didn't know for a fact that it would kill me!"

Kagome watched as she started to sniff.

"Oh…sniff…no! I gotta…sniff…sneeze…"

He blinked. "So sneeze."

"If I do, my head'll explode."

"Baby."

"AHH…AHH…AHH…AHH BOO!"

She sneezed into her hands before falling to the floor, groaning as her head started pounding. Kagome and Sesshomoru blinked. That was a sneeze? She wiped her hands on the floor, making him wince.

"You no names are disgusting."

"Nice of you to notice."

She pulled herself up to her hands and knees and began crawling out, inch by inch.

"Where are you going?"

"To take a nice hot bath. And then…I'm going to think of all the painful things I can do to you while you sleep at night."

Kagome followed after her, leaving him alone in the dojo, staring at their backs.

_Fine. I'll just work them twice as hard tomorrow. If they think they're stiff now…wait until I get through with them. _

**!#$!$#(&$$&&$$#!#**

**B**ryan sighed as her body slid into the hot water, clothes and all.

"You're suppose to take off your clothes." Kagome said, sliding off her last piece of clothing before climbing in.

"I could barely sneeze and you want me to undress?"

She sighed happily as the hot water began to sooth her sore muscles.

"He may be hot, but he really pushes WAY too far."

Kagome groaned. "He said he was gonna push us twice as hard tomorrow."

Her cousin blinked. "No he didn't."

"Yes, he did. He said, and I quote, _fine, I'll just work them twice as hard tomorrow. If they think they're stiff now…wait until I get through with them_." She paused. "End quote."

For some reason, her crazy cousin jumped out of the tub and started to dance around.

"Finally! I knew it! I knew it! Ha ha! Yeah! Wait ta go me! Wahoo! Yeah!"

She ran out the door, screaming on the top of her lungs,

"**HEY FLUFFY, KAGOME CAN READ YOUR MIND**!"

Sesshomoru opened up his door and saw Bryan running through the halls, yelling something about what Kagome could do. He snorted.

"baka no name."

Bryan stopped on the spot and glared at him. Suddenly, she took off towards him, an evil grin on her face.

He took in her wet clothes and groaned as she started picking up speed.

"**GIVE ME A HUG**!"

After making sure Sesshomoru was as wet as she was, Bryan released him, just as Kagome was coming out of the washroom.

She took in Sesshomoru's wet clothes, and Bryan marching around him, chanting, 'I got 'em, I got 'em, I got 'em, got 'em, got 'em!' and blinked.

"What's wrong fluffy?"

"I don't like to get wet."

"So that's what that weird smell was. I thought it was me." bryan commented, only to gulp as she saw his eyes narrow at them….

**$#$#!#$!#$#!#!&$#**

**J**aken was coming out of unconsciousness when two loud screams were heard from the hall. Opening up the door to the dojo, he saw two forms zip past him, only to be followed by a pissed off Sesshomoru.

**$$#&$$$#&$$**

**K**agome and Bryan kept running from Sesshomoru until it became dark, and neither one of them were giving up.

"Bryan, how long do ya think he can stay mad!"

Her cousin tried to calculate it, and almost ran into a tree.

"Uh…I don't know! Stop asking me questions! You know I can't think and run at the same time!"

They ran into something and fell to the ground with a thud. Looking up, they gulped. In front of them stood a HUGE ugly demon.

"Bowwwww dowwwwnnnn toooo meeeee or dieeee!" It hissed.

**#!#&&$$$!&&&**

**S**esshomoru skidded to a halt as the two girls ran past him, screaming louder than before. They looked back at him with stupidity in their eyes.

"**WELL DON'T JUST STARE AT US LIKE WE'RE STUPID, RUN!**"

They ran into a tree and fell to the ground, groaning.

He heard footsteps coming and looked up to see a demon laughing like there was no tomorrow.

"Kane, what did you do?" He asked a smirk on his face. The demon shook his head, laughing too hard.

"I…I told…..those….to bow down….or die….."

"And?"

"They dropped down at my feet like flies and begged for forgiveness before taking off in the other direction, yelling for a fluffy." More laughter.

He laughed so hard that he dropped to the floor.

"Oh kami…oh kami…that was rich. I didn't expect them to do that. I thought they would tell me all the interesting things I could do to myself with my claws, or kick my ass, or even just run away…but…" he erupted in laughter again, slapping the ground with his hand.

After a few minutes of laughing, Kane had finally composed himself, and was now sneaking up on the two no names, that were just starting to wake up.

Bryan groaned, rubbing her head. "Note to self…don't do that again."

They looked up and saw the same ugly demon and before Kane knew it, they were begging for his forgiveness again.

"Please don't kill us, oh great one!" Kagome yelled.

"Yeah, we didn't mean to kill the little toad!" Bryan added.

Kane blinked. "What, the little toad demon?" His eyes narrowed. "You thought we were **RELATED**!"

They shook their heads, apologizing. "No! Of course not! The toad is ugly and stinky…and…"

"My nephew."

He'd meant it as a joke, but the two no names started shaking before bowing down to him again. "We'll never be that stupid again!"

Finally, he couldn't take it any more, and collapsed to the ground in more laughter.

Sesshomoru shook his head, wondering just how long Kane could keep laughing before he died from lack of oxygen.

The two no names took the chance to run back to the castle, yelling prayers for their safe arrival, which resulted in Kane laughing even more.

He sat up against a tree, soft chuckles coming from him every now and then. Looking up at Sesshomoru, he shook his head.

"Man, those two are a riot."

"You should have seen them yesterday morning."

"What happened?"

Soon Kane was back to laughing his heart out, as his friend retold what had happened over the last few days, and he was chuckling softly.

"I can't believe they thought that I was that little imp's relative."

**$#&$$&#&)&(&&**

**I**n the girl's bed room, laid Bryan and Kagome on top of their beds, gasping loudly for air. In front of their door, were both dressers, two chairs, and every little thing on top of that, including their shoes?

"That'll…_gasp_…hold 'em…"

**I know I said Koga would be coming into this chapter, but something just popped into my head, and I just had to put it into the story. So, I lied. Okay? Okay, good. **

**And Stanley would like to thank all of you for staying away from the pecan trees. And for those who didn't…well…let's just say that if any acorns come flying at you when you're walking near an oak tree…that there from his truly. And for those who didn't BOTHER to read my comments above, Stanley is my pink polka dotted squirrel. **

**Later!**


	9. fighting over bitch

Disclaimers: hahahahahahahaha! I may not own Inuyasha, but neither do you! So, HA HA HA!

Bryan: I like pie!

Kagome: me too-!

Bryan: we both like pie!

Kagome: yeah, we rock.

B&K: if you don't like pie, you're a dooshbag.

Bryan blinked. "What do you mean you can't always run?"

Sesshomoru sighed, shaking his head. It had been two days since Kane's visit, and he was still trying to get the no name to see that running wasn't always an option.

"If Kagome were in trouble, would you abandon her?"

She snickered. "Me abandon her? Hell, she'd be running ahead of me!"

He sighed in annoyance. "No name, try to comprehend this…"

"Now there's your first mistake." Kagome said, stretching. "Thinking she can comprehend."

Bryan growled. "Hey, what's that suppose to mean!"

"Exactly what it sounds like!" She shot back.

The Inu-youkai sighed as Bryan began chasing Kagome around the dojo, threatening her.

"Kagome! Fluffy said you're not suppose to run away from a fight!"

"Well Fluffy can kiss my—"

"Lord Sesshomoru?"

Kagome slammed on the brakes and skid to a halt in front of a small girl. But Bryan wasn't so lucky and skidded past her and into the wall.

THUD!

"Ow…"

The girl started laughing; making the two no names look over towards her.

"You funny!"

"Thanks, I did that just for you, ya know." Bryan answered, rubbing her sore head.

"Do it again!"

Her eye's widened, as she looked at the wall, and then down at the girl.

"Uh…maybe later."

"Rin, what are you doing up? You should be resting." The three girls looked up at Sesshomoru with wide eyes.

"Resting?" Kagome looked at the girl, whose name seemed to be Rin, closely. "Why does she need rest? She doesn't seem tired to me…"

"Rin was sick!" The girl shouted out cutely. "But Lord Sesshomoru gave Rin some herbs and now Rin is feeling better!"

"You should still be resting, Rin." Sesshomoru said emotionlessly, yet they could tell he was worried.

Yet the girls were too busy chatting away, as if they were old friends.

He blinked, not used to being ignored. Even Bryan answered back with some smart assed comment or other. "When did I lose control?" He muttered.

Kagome snickered, making him look sharply at her. "Come on, Fluffy, when did YOU have control?"

Sesshomoru opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again, only to close it once more. She did have a point. True, he did have control for a short while, but then Rin came along, and he soon found himself bending over backwards so that she could be happy.

"Lord Sesshomoru is a Fluffy?"

Bryan grinned down at Rin. "Yup. See, underneath his smug, over-arrogant, cold, perfectionist, close-minded, pig headed, party pooping self, lies a ball of fluff."

_SMACK!_

She rubbed her head tenderly, where Sesshomoru had just expressed that he didn't like the explanation for his nickname.

"Mean peoples always pickin on me." She grumbled, before picking Rin up and sitting her on her shoulders.

"C'mon Rin, let's leave the grown ups to chat."

"But Rin wants to stay with Pretty Lady and Lord Sesshomoru!"

"Aw, but I wanted someone to help me torture Jaken!"

Rin looked down at Bryan with wide eyes. "Jaken?"

"Yup, see I was thinking that a nice yellow dress, with pink flowers…."

Their voices trailed off, leaving the two alone.

Kagome blinked. "So that's the little girl that was traveling with you. Huh, I always wondered about that."

A loud scream caused them to dash through the room and into the hallway, where they saw two forms rolling over the floor, with grunts, punches and kicks. After watching them for a while, Sesshomoru had enough, and yelled for them to stop.

It came to a halt, with a kitsune pinning Bryan to the ground.

"What's wrong with you?" He yelled.

"Stupid youkai, I don't even know you!"

Blinking, he looked down at his attire and grinned.

"Oh…right…my mistake…"

A puff of smoke appeared, leaving the same ugly demon they had met two days ago. (For those who are confused, it's Kane. He's a kitsune, and had placed an illusion on himself. Bryan didn't recognize him, so she attacked him. VERY uncharacteristic, but she did it cause Rin was with her.)

He let her up, turning back into his kitsune form, and turned to Sesshomoru and Kagome. Bryan growled, reached back behind her, took hold of one of her black flip flops…aimed…and…

_BAP!_

"Don't DO that!" He yelled. She bopped him again, making him yelp.

"Man! Rin shouldn't be hanging around such a violent person!"

That led to another round of bops from her.

"I. Am. Not. A. Violent. Person!" She yelled with each bop. "OKAY!"

He turned around to glare at her, surprised when she stopped and gaped at him. She started circling around him, making him blink.

"What are you…?"

"YOU'RE CUTE!" His face turned an interesting shade of red, but she didn't notice. "'Gome, ain't he cute?"

Her cousin sputtered for an answer, but her cousin's attention was already elsewhere.

"You're right; he's not cute – HE'S HOT!"

She was right. Kane had long navy blue hair with crimson red tips and dark blue eyes with red outlining them. Cute, black ears sat on the top of his head, and four navy blue tails with red tips flowed behind him. His skin was very pale, making him look more handsome.

"Damn, 'gome, you can keep fluffy, this guy's WAY hotter than him!

"is not." Kagome muttered, making them all look at her. she blushed, looking away. "what?"

Bryan grinned before turning back to Kane.

"do you have a mate?"

"no…"

"are you courting someone?"

"no…"

"does your mother live with you?"

"no…"

"Do you live with a guy named Fred?"

"what? No…"

She let out a cheer. "ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!"

They sweatdropped. "don't I get any say in this?" Kane wondered.

Bryan smirked. "it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause I have my own little fantasy world, and right now…you are doing some PRETTY interesting things…"

"like what?" a little voice asked.

They all looked down at Rin, who was smiling up at them cutely.

"uh….He's….uh….he's…."

Sesshomoru sent her a glare, telling her that she'd better not put any perverted thoughts into her head. Bryan gulped. "he's…uh…uh…uh………..uh………….it's a secret."

The lord of fluff, aka, Sesshomoru, turned towards Kane. "we'll talk in my library."

Kane nodded, and followed him to the library, rubbing his head where she smacked him.

"crazy bitch."

Rin and Kagome left to go play in the garden. A few hours later, they realized that Bryan wasn't with them and set off for her.

Bryan laid down on her bed, tossing a small ball in the air with one hand.

"A bitch. Me? A bitch. I mean, I know I'm a wolf, and a fox, and even a fairy, but…a bitch?"

The door opened up and Kagome walked in, an eyebrow raised.

"what's with you?"

"kagome, be honest with me. do I look like a bitch to you?"

She plopped down next to her cousin, a thoughtful look on her face. "no….a fox, maybe…but a bitch? I mean, me, I am a bitch, but you…."

That led to a whole discussion about who looked more like a bitch.

"Bryan, stop pouting! You're not a bitch, okay?"

"you say that like it's a GOOD thing! I could be a bitch if I wanted! Okay….no, I couldn't, but that's not that point!"

"Then what IS the point?"

"it's not fair that you're a bitch and I'm not!"

"well than you should've had my personality and not yours!"

"oh, so now it's MY fault that I'm not a bitch!"

"I didn't say that!"

Bryan started tearing up, and that led to Kagome tearing up.

"I wanna be a bitch!" Bryan wailed.

"I'm sorry, Bryan, I really am!"

Sesshomoru and Kane came rushing in when they heard their wails.

"what, what's wrong?"

"I'm/she's not a bitch!" they sobbed, making them blink.

Sesshomoru glared at Kane, making him grin sheepishly. "how was I suppose to know that they we're on their cycles?"

Oh….BIG mistake. For all you guys out there, NEVER say that a girl is acting pissy because their cycling. Just assume that everything else is wrong. it's safer that way.

They stood up, and this is like the anime thing, where their heads grow like ten sizes, and the other characters are cowering in the corner…

"HOW COULD YOU BE SO INSENSITIVE! WE TELL YOU THAT I'M/SHE IS NOT A BITCH AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS COMMENT ABOUT OUR MOOD SWINGS, YOU JERK!"

They went back to crying, making them blink.

"uh…"

Their cluelessness seemed to set them off again. "ALL WE ASKED WAS THAT YOU BE THERE FOR US! IT'S NOT OUR FAULT THAT I'M/SHE'S NOT A BITCH! AND YET YOU BLAME US!"

Sesshomoru and Kane dodged flying objects and ran out, slamming the door. He looked over that the Kitsune, glaring. "you just HAD to say something, didn't you?"

The fox demon stood up and took off. "shit, I'm not staying here, I'm hiding out at my castle for the next week!"

The lord of fluff looked back at the door before talking off after Kane.

_No WAY I'm staying here._

Hey guys! Uh, I just felt like putting in this mood swing thing. let me know if Bryan should get with Kane, or Koga. Kagome's getting with the lord of fluff, so don't bother voting for her to get with anyone else…


	10. POKE does it hurt now?

Disclaimers: excuse me, hello, hi, ya, me here, remember me? yeah, I don't own em.

Bryan: I like pie.

Kagome: me too-!

Bryan: I like pie.

Kagome: I LOVE pie. Sabrina, don't you just LOVE pie?

Sabrina: I like cheese.

Bryan: yeah, I like cheese.

Kagome: I love cheese!

Sabrina(drooling) cheese….don't you just LOVE cheese?

B&K&S: if you don't like cheese you're a snickerspoodle.

Sesshomoru: what? Is that even a word?

Girls: yuppers!

Sesshomoru: really? then what does it mean?

Sabrina: weren't you reading? That's what you are if you don't like cheese.

Sesshomoru: then it's a good thing I like cheese, is it not?

Girls: EW! You like cheese? Man, cheese is gross.

Kane(shaking head) I'll never understand girls.

Girls: damn straight!

__

_POKE._

"Ow"

_POKE._

"Ow"

_POKE._

"Ow_"_

_POKE._

"no name…."

_POKE._

"STOP"

_POKE._

"**STOP.**"

_POKE._

"DAMN IT!"

_SMASH! YELP! CRASH! YELP! SLAM!_

Kagome looked up from her magazine as she saw Bryan go flying out of Sesshomoru's study, hitting the wall with swirls in her eyes.

she snickered. _You'd think that after the fifth time, she'd learn to leave him alone, or he'd learn to lock the door._

But no. The no name only got up, dusted herself off, and walked back into the study.

POKE.

"does it hurt when I touch it?"

POKE.

"yes"

_POKE._

"what about now?"

_POKE._

"YES."

…

_POKE._

"what about now?"

_POKE._

An anime vain appeared on Sesshomoru's forehead.

"NO NAME, I AM WARNING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME."

_POKE._

"What about now? Does it hurt now?"

"you do realize that as soon as this stuff goes away, I'm going to kill you, right?"

_POKE._

"What about now?"

"I swear, if I could move without crying, you'd be six feet under."

_POKE._

Bryan snickered. "only six?"

His anime vain only got bigger as she continued poking him.

"Hey, lets see if I can write my name in your arm."

"NO NAME…."

"B…."

"I HATE YOU…."

"r…."

"SO MUCH."

"i…"

"AS SOON AS…."

"oh wait, I messed up."

_RUB, RUB, RUB._

He let out a yelp, glaring at her. oh if only he could raise his hand.

"B…"

"AS SOON AS I CAN MOVE…"

"r…."

"YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT!"

"y…."

"FIRST, I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU…."

"wait, it's suppose to be last name first. MY bad."

_RUB, RUB, RUB._

"THAT DOES IT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU NOW!"

_**SMACK! PUNCH! KICK! BITE! YELP! YELP SOMEMORE…CRASH! SLAM! SMACK!**_

For the sixth time that day, Kagome watched Bryan go sailing out of the room and into the wall. It was starting to make a dent. She was wondering if she could make it a historical landmark. Or better yet, a world record. She could see it now. _MOST TIMES BEING THROWN INTO A WALL IN ONE DAY BY A PISSED OFF LORD. _

It took a little bit longer, but Bryan got up, shook her head, grinned and walked back into the study.

"KAGOME GET YOUR INSANE COUSIN AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I KILL HER!"

"c'mon fluffy, it's just a simple question…."

"THAT YOU KEEP ASKING OVER AND OVER. AND OVER!"

"if it pisses you off that much, I'll stop."

_Thirty Seconds Later._

_POKE._

"THAT'S IT!"

_**SMASH! YELP! BREAK! SHATTER! CRACK!**_

"AND DON'T COME BACK!"

That seemed to worry Kagome a bit. What did fluffy do to her?

Kane came in, shaking his head.

"have you seen Bryan?" she asked, sort of afraid of the answer.

"uh…yeah…Sesshomoru just threw her out the window."

She sighed in relief. "thank god. I was afraid it was something serious."

He blinked. "riiiiiiiiight. Getting thrown out of a window isn't serious?"

"not for Bryan it isn't."

"what did she do?"

"she kept poking him."

Once again, he blinked. "that's it?"

She nodded. "pretty much. That and trying to see if she could write her name in his arm."

Kane scratched his head. "what's so bad about that?"

"normally, nothing. But…."

They watched as Bryan walked past them and into the study.

"GODDAMNIT WENCH! I THOUGHT I THREW YOU OUT OF MY CASTLE!"

_POKE._

"does it hurt now?"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN!"

Thirty seconds later Bryan took another ride through the air and into the wall.

The lord of fluff appeared in the door way, his eyes glowing red. "AND STAY OUT!"

They watched as he slammed the door.

Kagome grinned as she heard him groan, "…and here comes the pain…", before continuing.

"…Fluffy's got sunburn."

Bryan tried the door, pouting as she found it was locked. Then she snapped her fingers.

"the window! Of course!"

A few minutes later the door opened up and she was reunited with the wall.

She fell to the floor, whimpering.

They blinked. "wow. He threw you much harder than usual."

The no name sat up, nodding. "yep. Can't blame him though."

Kagome coughed. "why not?"

"well, turns out, his windows are self repairing. So, I had to throw myself through the window to get to him."

"oh…"

"and it probably didn't help that I fell on him."

The door opened up, showing a normal Fluffy, no sunburn whatsoever.

Bryan gulped. "give me a twenty second head start?"

"ten."

"fifteen."

"five."

"I'll take it!"

They sweatdropped, watching as he took off after Bryan.

_CRASH! YELP! SMACK! KICK! PUNCH! CRASH!_

They waited, wondering who the victor was. a few seconds later, Fluffy came from around the corner, dusting his hands off, looking satisfied.

Bryan's groan only made his smirk widen. Turning around, he decided to torture her some more.

_POKE._

"Does it hurt now, no name?"

"I hate you."

He smirked. "oh, but I just LOVE you. in fact, I love you so much, I'm going to give you the tightest hug you've ever had."

She groaned. "revenge sucks."

"I'd have to disagree."

"in a few minutes I'm going to be completely healed. And then…boy will you pay."

Sesshomoru raised an eyebrow. "perhaps. But until then…how about another hug?"

**!Q!$!#$!#!$**

**THAT'S THE END! I JUST GOT THIS REALLY FUNNY IDEA. WHAT IF HE GOT SUNBURN? AND WELL…THIS IS THE OUTCOME. THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED BETWEEN ME AND MY BIG BRO. OKAY, I DIDN'T GET THROWN AGAINST THE WALL…BUT WHEN HE GOT BETTER, BOY DID I RUN. **

**JA!**


	11. TWO FIDDY, PUNK!

Disclaimers: insert random shit here I don't own inuyasha.

Bryan: and then….

Kagome: I doubt it…

Bryan: so…..

Kagome: yup.

Bryan: he was all……

Kagome: basically.

Bryan: and we were all like…..

Kagome: pretty much.

Bryan: and I was like….

Kagome: I know, weird.

Bryan: so…..

Kagome: sort of…

Bryan: really? I mean, it's so….

Kagome: I know.

Bryan: and then….

Kagome: totally!

Bryan: and then like…

Kagome: I feel your pain.

Bryan: but I, did you think…

Kagome: no, no way in hell

Bryan: so then….

Kagome: exactly.

Bryan: OHHHHHH.

Sesshomoru: what was that about?

Sabrina: wasn't it obvious?

**Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalathis is the border thingy.**

Kagome pulled on Bryan's foot as hard as she could begging her to let go.

"no! I'm not goin back and ya can't make me!"

She tightened her hold on the bed post, making it harder for her cousin to pull her away from it.

"BRYAN! You have to go back to the future! You can't stay in the past forever, ya know!"

"I can sure as hell try!"

Her cousin only grunted before pulling harder. She fell backwards, holding onto Bryan's left boot.

"BRYAN!"

"no!"

Kagome began pulling on Bryan's leg even harder.

They'd been doing it for hours now, and the bed was stuck in the doorway, because Bryan refused to let go, and she refused to give up.

"I…DON'T KNOW….WHY…….YOU'RE BEING…..SUCH A…..PAIN ABOUT THIS! WE'RE COMING BACK IN A WEEK!"

Bryan blinked. "oh, that it? K, letting go now."

"wait, Bryan, stop!"

But her stupid cousin didn't listen, and released her hold on the bed post, only to send kagome and herself flying across the hall and into Sesshy's study, where he was talking with Kane. It was like when your playing tug-a-war, and you feel like being a dooshbag, and you wait until their tugging REALLY hard, and then you let go….

The guys watched with interest as they began moving up and down.

"are you crying?"

A loud burst of laughter told them they were wrong.

Bryan sat up, laughing, along with Kagome. After a few minutes, they stopped, breathing heavily.

"that was awesome! Lets do it again!"

Kagome looked at her watch, shrugging. "sure, why not, we got some time."

They assumed their positions.

"pull harder 'gome!"

"I'm trying! Tighten your grip!"

"k…done!"

Kane stood up to close the door, when to his horror, Bryan let go. _SHIT!_

The two no names flew him, knocking him down, before flying past him and into the wall.

Bryan snickered. "oh hi wall, how ya doin? Oh yeah, me too. I remember our last visit. Seems like it was just yesterday…."

They fell to the floor. "FLOOR! I remember you! yeah, you were thing I fell on after I met wall!"

Kagome was looking over at the kitsune, who was sprawled out on the floor, gasping for air. "Bryan, I think you scared him."

She turned to her 'dream-mate' before taking a stick out of no where and poking him with it.

"dude….you alive?"

"I think….my hair….just turned…..seven different shades of gray."

"damn! Another person I gotta bye hair dye for! I can't keep up with the bills! You people should learn not to age so fast!" Bryan yelled.

He just took a bigger gasp of air. "you….call…that fun?"

Kagome smirked. "well when two lunatics come hurling at you, no, that's not fun. But when you get pulled at several miles an hour, not knowing what you'll hit, yeah, that's fun."

Bryan looked over at the bedpost with a grin. "one more time?"

Kane began hypervenalating, making them sigh. "fine, we'll head back. see you two in a week."

**I LOVE MY PINK POLKA DOTTED SQUIREL, STANLEY. THIS IS MY BORDER THINGY. BEWARE OF SQUIREL!**

They were walking through the mall, just the two of them, bags in hand. Bryan only had one, which had a few little knickknacks, like a little button that said 'WHEN I WANT YOUR OPINION, I'LL BEAT IT OUT OF YOU! and stuff like that. Kagome's had candy, ramen, and other things.

Just as they were about to leave, some asshole shoved Bryan out of the way, making her hit the ground. She growled before standing up and chasing after the guy.

"TWO FIFTY PUNK!"

He stopped, turned around and looked at her. "what?"

"What, are you def AND stupid, I said you owe me two fifty!"

"what the hell for?"

"well, you trampled all over me, and I feel that I am worth two dollars and fiddy cents. Now hand it over!"

"NO!"

He walked off, leaving her gaping at his back.

"Bryan, just drop it." kagome asked, rolling her eyes.

"I want my two fiddy, dammit!"

She jogged after the dude, stopping in front of him.

He groaned. "what now?"

"two fiddy." She opened up her right hand, marking an X with her left index finger. "that's all it takes to get me away from you for life."

"WHAT ARE YOU, IN DENILE OR SOMETHING? I SAID NO, BITCH!"

_He did NOT just call me a bitch! _Bryan fumed.

Kagome groaning. _He did NOT just call her a bitch…_

She threw her bag towards her cousin. "'gome! Watch this. And if I win…meet me at the police station with the bale money."

"ah, Bryan, don't…"

"I'm gonna get my two fiddy even if it kills me!"

The boy had turned his back and was walking away, making Bryan growl before launching on his back, beating him with her fists with all her strength.

"TWO FIDDY IS ALL I ASKED FOR DAMMIT!"

"SOMEONE GET THIS CRAZY BITCH OFF ME!"

"NOW IT'S THREE FIDDY, FOR CALLIN ME BITCH!"

**I LOVE MY PINK POLKA DOTTED SQUIREL NAMED STANLEY. THIS IS MY BORDER THINGY. BEWARE OF THE SQUIREL!**

"Now we're all here to settle our differences…."

Where were our two favorite no names?

Why, in an anger management class, of course. After that fight with the dude from the mall, who they later found out was Jess, the owner of the mall agreed to drop the charges and the life-long band if they attended an anger management class.

"I don't know why _I _have to take this stupid course. I don't have anger management problems." Bryan grumbled.

Kagome raised an eyebrow. "you don't?"

An anime vane appeared on her forehead. "NO, I DON'T. AND IF YOU VALUE YOUR VOLCAL CORDS, YOU WONT---okay I get your point."

The instructor (I'll just call him dude cause I'm too lazy to make up a name) began handing out yellow t-shirts with a frowny face on it that said 'it's okay to feel sad' underneath it. she blinked.

"how come they tell us it's okay to feel sad, and then say it's not okay to feel pissed and beat the shit out of innocent by-standers?"

Kagome shrugged. "I dunno."

They looked up as Dude started teaching. "now, my children, we are here to see what our problems are, and what we can do to solve the—"

"children?" Bryan snickered. "I don't remember you sitting around our table at Christmas, saying grace!"

Everyone laughed at the joke, but Dude only rolled his eyes. "It was a figure of—"

"it was a joke!" Bryan snapped. "Sheesh, see, even dumbass got it!" she jerked her thumb in the direction of Jess, who had a black eye, along with several other injuries.

"my name is jess!" he growled.

"and you must feel very proud." She smiled sweetly at him. "but I'm callin ya dumbass! Don't take it personally. I give everyone I hate a nickname. The only one who doesn't have one yet is Kagome. She has a temporary one though. It's called stupid-bitch-who-doesn't-know-how-to-shut-the-fuck-up-at-four-in-the-mornin-when-I'm-trying-to-sleep."

Dude blinked. "I see. And what would MY nickname be."

Bryan took a deep breath, but before she could get them kicked out, Kagome covered her mouth with her hand.

"you REALLY don't wanna know. trust me."

Dude sighed. "see Bryan, this is why your father enrolled you in this class, so you could learn to control your anger and—"

"my problem isn't with anger!" Bryan yelled, after Kagome took her hand away. "my problem is that the whole fuckin world thinks they have the right to piss me off!"

They all looked over to Jess, who had his left arm and right leg were in a cast, a broken nose, busted lip and a black eye. Bryan looked over at Jess, before staring back at them. "what?"

The instructor only shook his head, before launching into a LONG ass lecture about the importance of keeping your anger in check.

**I LOVE MY PINK POLKA DOTTED SQUIREL NAMED STANLEY. THIS IS MY BORDER THINGY. BEWARE OF THE SQUIREL!**

Kagome grunted as Bryan lifted her up out of the well and dumped her on the ground.

"damn! I'm never going back to the mall again! Stupid courses! I couldn't talk in complete sentences for three hours!"

Before she could make some retort to Bryan, she saw a small tornado heading towards them.

"oh no…Koga."

**I LOVE MY PINK POLKA DOTTED SQUIREL NAMED STANLEY. THIS IS MY BORDER THINGY. BEWARE OF THE SQUIREL!**

ha! Finally! Koga comes in the picture! I didn't think this one was as funny as the last one. But maybe you guys did. I DID have fun writing the two fiddy part. That's how I saw 'FIFTY' when I'm talking real fast.


	12. EW! KAGOME HE'S TOUCHING ME!

**Disclaimers: I-hay on't-day own-hay Inuyasha-hay. Ere-thay, appy-hay?**

**I LOVE PIE!**

**

* * *

**

Bryan blinked, watching as the tornado came closer.

"Koga…yeah, isn't that that wolf guy that has the hots for you?"

Her cousin looked over at her, sighing. "Yes, but there's something you should know—"

Koga came to a stop in front of his dream-mate, hearts in his eyes.

"kagome, my love—"

Bryan snickered. "That is SOOOOOO corny…."

He shot her a glare before continuing. "I've wanted to see you for the past months---"

"dude, are you Irish?"

"no….."

She nodded. "okay then, so it wont be considered prejudice when I laugh my ass off."

"wh--" Kagome began but was cut off by her cousin's loud outburst of laughter.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU WEAR A SKIRT! A FRICKEN SKIRT FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD! DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL MORE MANLY?"

He glared at the no name before turning towards his 'mate' (**cough**yeahright**cough**)

"Kagome, who is this?"

She smiled at him before yelling at her cousin. "BRYAN! You stop laughing right now!"

Her cousin stood up, looking down at her feet.

"now apologize!"

"aw, 'gome, do I HAVE too?"

"NOW!"

She sighed. "sorry Mr. Wolf man…"

Kagome rolled her eyes. "BRYAN!"

"alright! Sorry, Sheesh! Damn, woman, what crawled up your ass and died?" she mumbled, earning herself a smack across the head from Kagome.

"DAMIT! What is it with people smackin me on the head? My poor brain can't take the abuse!"

"OI! WENCH! THERE YOU ARE!"

They all turned and saw Inuyasha walking towards them, holding kikyo's hand.

Bryan and Koga began growling at the Inu hanyou, causing him to halt in his steps.

"STOP CALLIN KAGOME WENCH YOU FRICKEN MUTT!" They yelled, before looking over at each other.

"Wait, you hate Inuyasha too?" Bryan asked curiously. He nodded, smirking.

"YEAH! Except I call him Inu-trasha."

She scratched her chin thoughtfully. "Inu-trasha….eh, not the most original thing in the world, but good enough all the same. I usually just call him dog-bitch…"

"that is an insult to female canines everywhere." Koga stated innocently, well ALMOST innocently. She gasped. "I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT! KAGOME I'M SO SORRY!"

He shrugged. "Eh, it happens to the best of us. Wait, why did you tell her sorry?"

"oh, we're no names."

"NICE. NOW KAGOME CAN BE MY MATE!"

"Dude, desperate much?"

He blinked. "really? you think so?"

"TOTALLY. Now, what you should do to gain her affection, is show her how much of a turd inuyasha is. Like, besting him in smarts, looks, personality--- wait! Too late! You already do!"

The Inu hanyou growled at them.

"WILL YOU TWO PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT HERE!"

They looked over at him, blinking. "when did you show up?"

His eyebrow began twitching, making Bryan grin. "aw, doggy need a nap?"

"THAT'S IT!"

Kagome watched as Inuyasha chased Bryan around the forest, yelling out threats and all. Suddenly she stopped, grinning.

"WAIT!"

Inuyasha, who was on a limb of a tall tree, looked down at her with a smirk. "WHAT?"

She glared at him before clearing her throat. "DOWN, dude, DOWN"

Koga watched with amusement as he went flying into the ground, much like when kagome said 'sit'

"hey, what is a dude anyway?"

"an infected hair on an elephant's butt." She said in a monotone voice, looking up as an ominous cloud started hovering over them.

"UH………………does that happen often?" she asked, pointing towards the sky.

Kagome glared at her. "oh yeah Bryan, dark creepy clouds ALWAYS hover over us. Sometimes we even throw a party!"

Her cousin shot her a dirty look. "again, WHAT CRAWLED UP YOUR ASS AND DIED?"

"OH, MAYBE IT'S THE FACT THAT YOU SENT US TO AN ANGERMANGEMENT COURSE, MADE FUN OF KOGA, CAUSED INUYASHA'S BACK TO BREAK AND NOW THE ONIMOUS CLOUD IS OVER US!"

"what are you trying to say?"

"YOU ARE A JINX, BRYAN, A FRICKEN JINX!"

Inuyasha looked over at her. "what's a 'anger management course'?"

Bryan snickered. "something you REALLY need to go to…"

"it's a class that helps you control your anger."

"MORE LIKE BRAIN WASHES YOU!" she shouted to kagome, ignoring the cloud that was getting bigger and bigger…….AND BIGGER.

"why were you sent to one of those?" Koga asked, scratching his head.

Kagome sighed. "someone shoved Bryan out of the way and wouldn't give her two dollars and fifty cents so she beat the shit out of him."

They all looked over towards Bryan, who was smiling sheepishly. "ya know, it seems so stupid now that you say it out loud. But on the bright side—I WAS ON THE NEWS AND EVERYTHING! IT WAS SOOOOOO COOL! AND I GOT BANNED FROM ALL THE STORES WITHIN A 100 MILE RADIUS FOR THREE MONTHS!"

Kagome went to smack her cousin one—only to find out that she couldn't move from the neck down. Suddenly a baboon pelt appeared in front of her and her cousin.

"YOU!"

Bryan looked over at her cousin with wide eyes. "of course it's me, who do you expect?"

Naraku chuckled darkly, making her look up at him. "allow me to introduce myself."

(crickets chirped in the background)

"SURE! Go ahead!" she yelled cheerfully, making the group sweatdrop.

He smirked at her, walking close towards her. "Such divine radiance and beauty….PRINCESS Brianna."

"WHAT!" they all shouted.

Bryan grinned at em. "oh yeah I forgot to tell you, I'm a princess."

Naraku took her hand in his, raising it to his lips and giving it a soft kiss. She grimaced.

"EWW! KAGOME, HE'S TOUCHING ME!"

He turned his attention towards the other no name, raising an eyebrow. "another princess. Not the first in line, but still, a princess."

With that, the two no names and he disappeared, breaking the spell on the others.

"WTF!"

* * *

**There ya have it! another chapter! Naraku is after Bryan, cause she's the first in line for the throne to a powerful kingdom, and well….he just took kagome because she's a princess too. JA!**

**Hehe…….Naraku's in for some deep shit. Bryan's gonna drive him up the walls…..**


	13. SIX HOURS!

**Disclaimer: HAHAHAHA! YOU DON'T OWN INUYASHA! HAH—wait, I don't own inuyasha either….:pouts: NO FAIR!**

**

* * *

**

Kagome winced as she was thrown into the large cage, followed by Bryan, who was tossed more gently inside. Rather, Naraku lowered her to the floor before slamming the door shut.

"HA! He likes me better than you!" she smiled proudly, before realizing something….

"EW! HE LIKES ME BETTER THAN YOU! THAT'S JUST WRONG!"

She glared at her cousin. "YOU SENT US TO AN ANGERMANAGEMENT COURSE, MADE ME GET BANNED FROM THE MALL AND EVERY STORE WITHIN A HUNDRED MILES, BROKE INUYASHA'S BACK, AND NOW YOU GOT US KIDNAPPED! ON A THURSDAY!"

Bryan grabbed her shoulders tightly, eyes wide. "did you say Thursday?"

"so?" she huffed. "not like it'll help us any…."

The no name only grinned. "what time is it kagome?"

"11:35 am. WAY to early in the morning for this shit…."

She watched as her cousin began counting on her fingers. "so all we gotta do is stall him for... this many hours!"

Kagome counted the fingers she held up before groaning. "SIX HOURS? HOW THE HELL WE GONNA DO THAT!"

Bryan grinned. "with skill and practice my friend. With skill and practice."

* * *

**VERY short, but the next one's coming up, six chapters with Bryan and kagome doing shit to Naraku. Fun? You guessed it!**

**Next chapter: HOUR 1**


	14. hiding from the monkey

**Disclaimers:takes in deep breath: I do not own inuyasha. GOD HAS A FRICKEN WEIRD SENSE OF HUMOR, DOESN'T HE? I MEAN, WHY DID HE GIVE THEM TO THAT JAPANESE DUDE? HOW COME HE COULDN'T HAVE GIVEN HIM TO ME, OR—**

**:_buzz_:**

**(Sabrina hits the ground, twitching slightly. Dude comes out of the corner, shaking his head.)**

**Dude: now what have we learned?**

**Sabrina: THAT YOU'RE AN ANNOYING ASSWHOLE WHO SHOULD DIE FROM---**

**:_buzz_:**

**Dude: care to try that again?**

**Sabrina: STUPID ARROGANT SON OF A FUCKING-----**

**:_buzz_:**

**Dude: well? I'm listening?**

**Sabrina: (sighs) it is impolite to yell at innocent bystanders, for no reason what so ever, THOUGH THEY DESERVE IT FOR PISSING ME OFF! I MEAN, DO THEY HAVE TO LOOK AT ME FUNNY? STUPID, BACK STABBING SON OF A ---**

**Dude: we've got a long way ahead of us. UNTIL THEN, enjoy the chapter.**

**

* * *

**

Bryan stopped in the middle of her ranting about how gross, wrong, stupid, and wrong Naraku was, sniffing.

"What….."

She sniffed her armpits, satisfied when the stench wasn't coming from there, then she sniffed her cousin's armpits, which resulted with a fist to the face, before finally sniffing her hand.

"oh no…." she moaned. Kagome blinked. "what?"

She ignored her cousin, rubbing her hand in the dirt before sniffing it again, only to gag. "NO!"

"WHAT?"

Kagome watched her cousin rub her hand with her shirt until it turned red before beginning to run around in circles.

"His scent is on my hand, man. HIS SCENT IS ON MY HAND! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! IT IT OOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFF!"

She plopped down on the ground and began crying.

"it's……on meeeeeeeeeeeeee! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'VE BEEN BABBOON-NIFIED! I'LL NEVER BE HUMAN AGAIN! I'M DOOOOOOMMMMED!"

Kagome rolled her eyes. "BAKA! You aren't human anyways!"

Bryan looked at her cousin with wide eyes. "you STILL can't speak Bryan-nese, can ya? IT MEANS HE'S COURTING ME!"

The no name bit her lip, trying not to join her panicking cousin.

"hey Bryan….it's 11:40 now."

She stopped trying to bite her hand off, looking up at Kagome. "so?"

"well….you said we just had to stall for six hours, right? So what's the first step in stalling?"

"THAT'S RIGHT! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT STUFF, DO YA? Well….here's what we do…."

* * *

Bryan began sweating as the walls started moving.

"help! I can't breath! The walls are closing in on me! all hope is lost! It's getting darker … can't …. breath….."

She collapsed to the floor, opening up an eye after a few seconds.

"so what do you think? Is it believable?" the guard blinked at her before walking away, shaking his head.

"WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME!"

Kagome looked up from the floor before marking another line. In the dirt, was a table that read:

**ATTEMPS THAT SUCCEDDED: 0 ATTEMPTS THAT FAILED: 6,579**

Her cousin looked over her shoulder before grinning. "better take that one away from the failed list."

"what are you—"

Her cousin dangled the keys in front of her. "the guard dropped these."

She shook her head, frowning. "you're gonna get caught—AGAIN."

"so?" Bryan stuck her tongue out at her before unlocking the door. "you coming or what?"

"pass, I still hurt from that last time he caught us."

* * *

Bryan walked out of the dungeon, up the stairs, opened up the HUGE door before peeping around the corner. After wondering around for a while, she found herself in a nice room with monkeys suits all over it.

"cool…..wonder if they have any in my size…."

Slipping on one, she blinked as the top fell over her eyes, like Naraku's.

"COOL!"

The door opened up, and a little girl walked in.

"Master, one of the princesses have escaped."

She watched the scene of her escape play out on the mirror. _So THAT'S how he always knew…._

"hey….wait a minute….THAT'S CHEATING!"

For the first time in her entire life, she showed emotion. Her eyes got wide and her face more pale.

"I-I'M TELLING!"

"NOT IF I TELL ON YOU FIRST!"

She chased after the white haired demon, rounding the corner, and….BAM!

"oh….my poor poor head. You just can't get a break, can you?"

Looking up, she came face to face with another Baboon skin.

Naraku watched as Bryan started yelling at Kanna.

"WAIT A MINUTE—YOU USED REVERSE PSYCOSAFREE! THAT IS SOOOOO CHEATING!"

She winced as Naraku flipped the head of his suit back, showing his eerie red eyes.

"uh……….."

* * *

Kagome watched as Bryan went sailing through the air again and into the wall, groaning.

"we gotta stop meeting like this, wall-ard." She slip on to the floor, snickering.

"aw, don't get jealous Floor-rina, we'll always have that special something!"

Her cousin rolled her eyes. "you are the only person I've ever met who can find amusement in their own pain."

"thank you. I take pride in that."

Bryan shot up, glaring at Kanna, who had a small smirk on her face.

"yeah, you think you've won, don't ya! BUT YOU HAVEN'T! I WILL HAVE THE LAST SAY! IF MY NAME ISN'T MINE! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kagome groaned before marking another tally on the failed attempts list. This was going to be a LONG six hours…..

* * *

**and hour one has passed by. let me know if you have anything you'd like to see bryan and kagome do to naraku. i thought this was funny, but maybe you dudes didn't. :shrugs: watever. later!  
**


	15. TAKE IT LIKE A WOMAN!

**Disclaimers: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**Dude: see, now was that so hard?**

**Sabrina: actually, it wasn't.**

**Dude takes the collar off and leaves, oblivious to the smirking Sabrina. She grabs a phone, dialing a number evilly.**

**"hello…….pizza delivery? Yeah, I'd like 1,000,000 pizza's sent to Dude's house…. Yes this is a prank….. Oh, he got you too with the collar, huh? Better make that 2,000,000 pizzas then…."**

* * *

Kagome looked over at her cousin, who was playing go fish with the guard and sighed. The guard was REALLY starting to get on her nerves. He would purposely fall for Bryan's stupid stunts, just to laugh his ass off when she got caught and went sailing into the wall. Not that it wasn't amusing, but her poor cousin could only take so much brain abuse before she lost what little common sense she had left. 

Bryan jangled the keys in front of Kagome grinning. "HA! Kagome, look, he gave 'em too me."

She sweatdropped. "And you didn't find that suspicious?"

The no name only blinked before grabbing her hand. "C'mon, you're coming with me this time."

"Bryan, I know this may seem hard to believe, but I have a limit of how many times I can be thrown into a wall and come out of it alive. And I'm sorry to say I reached my limit at 75."

Her cousin shushed her before tiptoeing around the corner. Kagome shook her head before following her. It wasn't like she had anything else to do…..

Bryan led her past statues, through invisible walls, and finally, they spotted it—THE front door.

Kagome bit her lip, looking over at her cousin. The door was across the hall and down a few doors. The could see the sunlight coming through the windows. She began to tip toe towards it, when she heard a thud.

Turning around, she saw Bryan hoping around on one foot, glaring at the table that she'd stubbed her toe on.

"Bryan…..please…." she begged silently, knowing that her cousin was about to blow.

"can you make it to the door?"

She nodded for a few minutes, before shaking her head.

Kagome looked over towards the door, biting her lip. They were so close…..

"C'mon Bry, take it like a woman."

Her cousin sniffed a few times before nodding.

"can you make it to the door?"

She shook her head.

"c'mon Bryan, I'll carry you if I need to…"

She tried to pick her cousin up, but only succeeded in dropping her cousin on the head. Her face turned red as she fought back the string of colorful words that threatened to explode from her mouth. She was loosing the battle. Kagome could see the signs. Her shoulders were tensing, her eyes narrowing, her lips thinning.

"Bry….please…….don't……."

"FUCK! THAT HURT LIKE A BITCH! A MEAN BITCH! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!"

No sooner had Bryan exploded, had Naraku and his two minions, Kagura and Kanna, had appeared.

* * *

Bryan and Kagome went crashing into the wall. Bryan slid to the floor with a smile on her face. 

"FLOORINA! I MISSED YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH! I'LL NEVER LEAVE LIKE THAT AGAIN!"

Kagome rubbed her temple's, groaning. "okay, I lied. 7**6** is my limit."

"stupid table, why the hell did that stupid monkey put a table right there anyway!"

She began walking towards the left of Bryan, a smile on her face. "there's the bright light…."

Bryan turned her cousin away from the bright light and continued with her rant.

"I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL DOES HE USE IT FOR! TO EAT? IN FRONT OF THE DOOR?"

Her cousin ignored her, seeing the black tunnel to her right. "and there's the black tunnel…."

Again, Bryan turned her cousin around, but this time it was facing towards her.

"DAMMIT KAGOME, STOP TRYING TO CROSS OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE WHILE I'M RANTING! YOU KNOW I CAN'T RANT IF YOUR DEAD!"

The no name rolled her eyes. "sorry for trying to go to heaven while you were busy cursing an inanimate object."

Bryan nodded in acceptance to the apology, before peering at her closely.

"wait a minute…..is that sarcasm I hear in your voice?"

"OF COURSE IT IS, NUMNUTS! LIKE I SAID BEFORE, YOU'RE A FRIGGEN JINX! WE WERE SO CLOSE TO THE DOOR, AND YOU JUST HAAAAD TO SHOUT, DIDN'T YA?"

"Hey, you would've done the same thing if it was you in my toes!"

"I TOLD YOU TO TAKE IT LIKE A WOMAN, BRYAN!"

"I TRIED! But it was too hard! So, I decided to take it like a man instead, and curse my fuckin brains out!"

They watched the guard walk by, dropping the keys near Bryan, who was grinning. Kagome groaned. "I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life…."

Bryan gave her cousin a tight hug. "C'mon, I wont run into any tables this time, I PROMISE!"

She was sure that if there WAS a god all mighty up there, he was pointing down at them and laughing his ass off.

* * *

**OKAY! ANY IDEAS OF WHAT YOU WANT BRYAN TO DO WITH NARAKU! I MEAN, HELLO, I ASKED LAST CHAPTER BUT YOU ALL IGNORED ME! C'MON, GIMME SOME IDEAS!**


	16. Too many knows

**Disclaimers: I do not own inuyasha. And right now, I don't wish to. Fluffy and I have had an arguement, and are no longer talking to eachother.**

* * *

_Authors Note: I had a bit of writers block, because of the different ideas, and I didn't know what to do with em, and which ones ta use..., anyway, This one is lame, I know (snickers) but the next one will be more funnier. This one I just couldn't feel...ya know? (drops to floor laughing)_

* * *

Naraku continued on pacing around his room, knocking over baboon pelts as he went. It was driving him insane. Fifteen minutes have gone by, and nothing had happened. 

No yelling, no impersinating him, no sneaking out--NOTHING! Any normal person would think that they were finally giving up and excepting their fate, but no, he was a youkai. He was smarter and more handsomer than that. He was on to them. He knew that they were planing something. What, he didn't know, but oh, it was something good. He just knew it.

Not being able to take it anymore, he threw on a baboon fur and stormed down to the dungeons. He walked past the guard, which may have been his cousins bestfriend's sisters daughters nephew (twice removed) in a past life. The two no names were sitting down on the floor, staring at the wall. Well...Bryan was glaring, but still. His eyes narrowed at the two.

"You" He hissed. Kagome nodded. "Yup. I'm me, you're you, and bryan's her."

He continued on, as if she hadn't interrupted. "You think I don't know what you're doing! Oh, I know. Believe me, I know. I know alot more than you know that I know"

"But what if what you know is only what i want you to know, ya know?"

"Oh but what I know is more than what you know, so you can't possibly know what i know because I know that I know what you know"

Bryan blinked. "QUESTION! ...What do we know?"

They ignored uer, continuing on with their intelligent (**cough** yeah right **cough**) conversation.

"If so than wouldn't I know what you know that I know what you know?"

"Only if what I know that you know that I know that you know is the same as what you know that I know"

"Know this, what you know is not nearly as much as I know." Naraku growled.

Pouting, Bryan went back to glaring at the wall. Why did everyone have to ignore her? What did she ever do to them? After five more minutes of hearing them brag about what they knew, she launched herself at the bars of the cage, growling and clawing at Naraku.

"I WANNA KNOW! I WANNA KNOW DAMMIT!"

Naraku blinked as he took in the no names snarling form. Saliva was spewing out of her mouth, and her eyes were bleeding red.

"I WANNA KNOW!" Bryan yelled. She grabbed hold of his baboon pelt and pulled him closer to the cage. "TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW, NOW!"

Kagome snickered as Naraku let out a girly scream. "Please let go! I just had this one cleaned!"

Taking pity on the demon (even though he did capture them, throw them into walls and provoke them to no ends, and had the NERVE to insist that he knew what she knew that he knew what she knew what he knew that she knew...she still took pity on him) she dragged her cousin away from the whimpering demon, who shot out of the dungeon like Bryan was on his tail.

Her cousin looked up at her, tears streaming down her face. "I wanna know, 'Gome. I just wanted to know"

Blue eyes softened as she took in the crying no name. "Aw, Bryan, I know that you want to know what I know that he knows I know what I know, but know this, I can't tell you what I know."

Bryan sniffed. "Why not?"

"Because I don't know what I know"

She blinked at her cousin, who blinked back. "Weird"

"I know"

* * *

**snickers alot of 'know's, ne? Know this (snickers) after using that many knows (giggle) everytime someone said 'know' or 'no' (falls to floor laughing) i'd crack up. And no (snickers) I'm not loosing my creativityness for the story. I'm just at a lost as to what to do for the six hours now. And while most of the ideas I get ARE amusing, they just seem a bit over the top for the story. (smiles sheepishly) Sorry.**


	17. BAD MENTAL IMAGE!

**Disclaimers: don't own em...hey, guess what? The dude who made inuyasha...is actually a dudette!**

* * *

Kagome blinked as she looked down at her cousin, who'd just collasped for no reason. She'd been ranting about how she was going to get revenge on the mirror chick, (Bryans words, not hers) when suddenly she just keeled over. Her cousin wasn't breathing. But she wasn't turning blue...so she wasn't holding her breath. Fearing the worst, she placed her head next to her cousin's chest, praying that there was a heartbeat.

Nothing. Tears threatened to fall as she backed away from her cousin. "Oh my god...she's dead..." Saying those words seemed to somehow make it reality, as she realized what that meant. She had no way of getting out of Naraku's now. And she had no clue on how to stall...so...she was doomed. She didn't know how long she sat there, wondering on what her next move was.

A loud yawn made her jump. Turning around, she gaped as she saw her cousin stretching out. "Hey gome! Sup?...You alright?" Bryan asked, peering closely at her face.

"B-b-but you died. You're DEAD. WHY ARE YOU ALIVE?"

The no name gasped. "I'm dead? The hell? WHY wasn't I informed of this? I mean, all this time I thought I was livin' but no. I was dead. Total mind blow"

She sweatdropped, wondering just what the hell was going on. "Bryan...you're not dead...I mean...you died...but..."

Yet again, her cousin interrupted her.

"Holy shit! I died? Really? No lie? Man..." She paused. "...Was it painful? Man, what a fucking idiot I was! Me, dying! MAN! It's a good thing I did die or I'da kicked my ass so hard that I'd--"

A hand covered her mouth, stopping her from continuing. Kagome winced as she felt her cousin licking her hand, but refrained from pulling it back. "Listen, you died, but you didn't...you're still alive...what the hell happened?"

Bryan blinked at her, and all was silent for about...two seconds as she thought over what her cousin just said. "oh. You're talkin bouts the dyin part of m'comin of age, aren't ya?" But Kagome's hand was still over her mouth, so it came out all garbled. Sighing, she pulled away her hand.

"Say wha?"

Red eyes rolled. "Alright, when you're of royalty, you're powers wont come in til your eighteenth birfday. Don' ask me why, s'just how it is. You'll have tendences ta show some of your power, but it uses up alot of energy. The only thing that kepts me from fallin on m'face after I made my wings come out was the fact that I'm also part kitsune, and they're kinda entergetic. Well, before we go into our full power...we die. Just for a few minutes, but still, we die."

It was Kagome's turn to blink, as the information sunk in. "But...why?"

"If ya think about it, it's simple. We're demon, miko and human. And goin into full power. Our bodies can't cope with the stress, so it shuts down momentarily to deal with it all. S'nothin to worry about"

Her cousin nodded in understanding. "So that's why you didn' use your power against those men, and why we're stallin for six hours...you're birf...I mean birthday is today." she paused, glaring slightly at Bryan, who was snickering at her slip up. "I gotta stop hangin around you, you're a bad influence..."

"you're right on the birfday stuff, and even my bein bad influ-whatever but the reason I didn' use my powers that day was because...I forgot I had 'im"

She sweatdropped, smiling sheepishly as she watched Kagome fall over anime style. "Sorry. Say...how long have we been stallin anyway?"

Kagome tried to work it out in her head, but it was pretty hard with Bryan jumping around, humming the themesong from Jeperdy (sp?)

"lets see...there was the thing with coats...the table...the knowing...and...um...uh...you dying...so...four hours?"

Bryan pouted. "This sucks! I wanna come inta age NOW!"

"You do realize that since Naraku's courting you, he' gonna probably mate you when you reach the age or whatever..."

The two nonames, along with the gaurd, who was bringing them lunch, winced as unwanted images flashed through their minds.

"EWWWWWWWWW!"

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED**

rate and message, jaa ne!


	18. Pfft, no!

**Authors Note: I KNOW it's been forever since I last updated, but I figured I'd make it up by posting TWO chapters in ONE update! ; I had this sitting in my documents folder for about a month, actually, about half finished, but I came up with writters block. But I have managed to complete it! And because of this one, the next chapter just came FLOWING out of me! **

* * *

"...Now get out of my castle." Naraku finished up on his ramble about the importance of saftey...or whatever it was. They kinda zoned out on him during midlecture. Bryan had fallen asleep with her eyes open, which freaked out/amazed Kagome, who then spent the rest of the lecture waving her hand infront of her cousin's eyes to see if she'd wake up.

Where were they? Five feet from the front door. Err...again... That's right, THE front door.

Kagome woke up Bryan who'd fallen asleep sometime during the hanyou's lecture. (it was amazing he didn't notice, as she was snoring QUITE loudly...)

"Wait...you're just...letting us go?"

Her cousin snorted. "What a dumbass" She looked over at Naraku who growled. "Well you are. Lettin us just GO. I mean come ON man, we still got what, two, three hours to go?" Bryan sniffed. "I'm not sure I want a mate who won't commit. Nope, sorry."

Surprisingly, He just ignored her, choosing to speak to Kagome. She seemed to be the more saner of the two...sorta...kinda...on a good day...

"You've gone through twenty guards in the past what, five, four hours? Kanna is for some reason scared to go anywhere NEAR you." He jerked his head towards Bryan, who whistled innocently. "You guys somehow managed to turn my past life's cousins bestfriend's sisters daughters nephew (twice removed) against me. I had to throw him into the cell next to you!" a glance towards Lil bubba. "Sorry about that."

Lil Bubba shrugged. "K."

The No Names eyed the front door, and then Naraku. "So...you're just...letting us go?"

"Ye-up."

"Just like that?"

"Ye-up."

"You've lost it, haven't you?"

"Ye-up."

Bryan decided to interrupt their little 'chat'. "Fuck it." And walked past the two of them, heading towards the forest. Seeing that her cousin made it out alive (there was no WAY she was goin out first...) Kagome decided that it was safe. "Bye Naraku! Thanks for having us over!"

Her only answer was the door slamming.

* * *

Kagura looked over at her master, who watched the two No Names until they disappeared from sight.

"You're not REALLY letting them go, are you?"

An amused snort. "Pfft, no."

* * *

**REVIEW DAMMIT!!!**


	19. Top Three

**Author's Note: I came up for this idea while I was hyped up on Root Beer, and reading Snupin fics. Honestly...I don't know WHERE I get it from O,o; **

* * *

Kagome and Bryan were in the middle of a forest somewhere. They weren't walking. Oh no...they were doing something far more important then getting as far away from Naraku's Castle, which they could still see through the trees, as they possibly could. No, they were doing something that would benifit the WORLD!!!

"Y'have any twos?"

Bryan growled as she erased one card, and redrew a different one, this time a queen, making sure to cross out one of the 'Q's. Yes, it was true. They were playing Go Fish, with cards drawn in DIRT. How did this benefit the WORLD you may ask? Well its simple, really, by playing Go Fish they kept themselves from being bored, which in turn saved the WORLD because I'm sure you know by now that when Kagome and Bryan became bored the WORLD tended to suffer.

But I digress...

"I still say yer cheatin"

Kagome rolled her eyes as she drew a square with a two in the middle on her side. "What gave me away? The fact that we can see eachothers hands?"

A blank look was her only answer. "Well...I was gonna say yer eyes, but yeah, that too."

She was about to make a retort when her growling stomach interrupted. And it was a good one too. Complete with tongue sticking outing and the works!

_Damn stomach! _She glared down at the offending body part resentfully _Why must you betray me so?!_

"Hey, Bry, I'm hungry." She looked over at her cousin, who had erased her cards (So did that mean that the game was over?) and was now drawing a six course meal.

Which consisted of cake, cookies, pie, ice cream, candy, and Chocolate. (because Chocolate DESERVES to be capitalized) "Okay, here's the plan."

Normall, she would blow off her cousin's 'plans' (that Jaken incident was NOT to be forgotten!) but her voice sounded so serious that she had a feeling that this idea would be better than the last.

"We stare at this image..."

The feeling was starting to dissapear.

"And hope to god it becomes real."

Feeling was gone.

"Alright, I'll take the first watch."

Gone, crushed to bits with no hopes of returning, _FINI_!

Feeling a headache comming on, she interrupted her cousin's staring watch with a growl. "Alright, look, maybe we can ask Naraku for some food!"

So proud of her suggestion, she didn't even notice that for once she was the one being stared at.

"YOU FUCKIN CRAZY?!" Bryan exploded.

Kagome huffed. "What, it could work!" She crossed her arms, sticking her tongue, aware of the fact that YES she was acting imature, but so was Bryan, so THERE.

"Right, so whats the plan, we go up and knock and say, 'Hey, Naraku, can you put aside your overpowering urge to rule the planet and give your mortal emenies some food, you big handsome son of a gun, you.'?!"

A shrug. "Yeah, works for me."

The no names were so busy arguing that they never noticed the demons drawing closer, until they fell to the ground unconscious.

* * *

When they came to, their arm were tied behind their backs, they were sitting in the middle of a circle of demons and were nursing one HELL of a headache. Bryan whimpered as her skull started pounding. "For all those people who keep asking how can I be so stupid...yall can kiss my ass...society's ta blame...not me." She grumbled, thinking back to all the times the question was half screatched at her.

Her cousin just groaned, not used to having her head bashed in and was nursing a headache ten times worse than Bry's. Their actions ofcourse alerted to the demons that they were awake, and they took pleasure in going into gory details of how they were going to eat each limb, laughing darkly when they turned green. The demons then started preparing the fire, leaving the two no names to talk about their escape plan.

An idea quickly started to form as Bryan's hands landed on a sharp stone. "Okay" She whispered, just low enough so that the bad guys couldn't hear but high enough so that Kagome could. "Here's the plan. I'm going to count ta three..." Her bindings now free, she started working on her cousin's binding, thanking all the cereal boxes in the world that the villians had placed them back to back. "And then we'll run."

"More running?" Not that Kagome didn't want to get free...she just got tired of it after a while. First the thing with the oversized men, then Jaken, and then now...but seeing as she didn't have a better idea...

"Alright, I'm in."

Bryan smirked. "One...two..."

* * *

Five minutes later the fire was done, the demons were back to watching them like a hawk and they hadn't even been able to make a move. Maybe they sensed something was up, but it was like as soon as Bryan was about to utter the word 'three' one of the demons would interrupt them somehow, or distract them.

Finally, Kagome'd had enough. "Screw it. Just RUN!!!!"

The two leaped up, and took off towards the left, running as fast as they could, ignoring the demon's desperate cries for them to stop.

"NO, WAIT! STOP! YOU'LL KILL US ALL!!!"

_Kill them all? What's he--_

BAM!

The two no names ran straight into a barrier, the force of two people running 90 miles an hour causing it to shower into a million pieces, the backlash destroying the demons. Sure, their No Name heritage saved our two favorite idiots, but that didn't stop thier headaches from quadroopling.

Slowly, bringing her body to an agonizing sitting postion, the kitsune/fairy/wolf youkai felt her head for blood with one hand. And then the other, because the first one didn't really count...and then both...because she could really see anything except the spots before her eyes. "Hey gome, am I bleeding?"

And then collasped back to the ground because talking had taken all the energy out of her.

"M-mm...m..."

For a few minutes, that's all her cousin could make, was the 'm' sound...until finally she bursted out, "My. Skull. Is. In. My. Brain. My skull, is in my brain. MY SKULL IS IN MY BRAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNN!!!!"

Now it was her turn to writhe in pain as her headache was able to actually INCREASE by threefold.

Bryan whimpered pitifully. "Gome...you know that list we started...?"

"Yeah?"

She started rocking her body from side to side in an effort to draw her mind away from the pain. "The one...which's labled 'da stupidest shit we've ever done?" More rocking.

It took Kagome a while for her brain to actually comprehend what her cousin was trying to say, but once she did, with immense effort, she was able to squeak out, "Yea?"

"Put that one in the top three."

"Will do."

And that was how the Inu-Gang found them, writhing on the forest floor, 50 miles away from Naraku's Castle, whimpering and groaning.

"The hell happened to you?" Inuyasha scoffed, only for his eyes to widden as Kagome jumped up, gripped his arm painfully and shout, "MY SKULL IS IN MY BRAIN INUYASHA! MY SKULLLLLLL IS INNNNNN MY BRAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!" She started shaking him roughly. "It is LODGED IN MY BRAIN! DO YA HEAR ME? MY BRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!" She paused, waiting for him to say something.

"Er...good for you?"

Inuyasha never would understand WHY the No Name sat him into next year.

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**I worked good and hard on this chapter, so I'd preciate it if ya reviewed. Love hearin from you guys. Yup yup! **


	20. Kane and the Triple Ahem

**WHAT THE HELL**

**This may seem odd to you guys, but I was actually on the verge of depression when I wrote this. I was just goin through another one of mah bouts, listenin to depressing music, when the Bryan in me snorted and said, "Fuck this. It's too hard being depressed." You know yer a true Bryan-net when you're too lazy to be depressed. XD  
**

**This chapter is dedicated to darkfairykara, who actually motivated me to post another chapter. XD without her review I prolly woulda waited another month or so before posting.**

** Sooooo, here ya have it! Enjoy!  
**

* * *

It had been two hours since they'd gotten abducted by those demons, and had finally made it back to Sesshoumaru's castle safely. And, you would think, that since they'd been a couple hours later than promised, the two Taiyoukais would be up in arms about how 'unpunctual' they were. Well, at least Fluffy would. But no, upon entering the front doors, they had been whisked away by two maids, one of which had asked snappily, "What took you so long?!", before being shoved into a bathing chamber, only to be yanked right back out. Then they had been powdered and plucked for what seemed to be hours.

And then they were shoved into a room, and were told to wait there, until Sesshoumaru and Kane came to get them.

Which didn't take long. Almost as if afraid of what trouble the two No Names would get themselves into should they be left alone for longer than a few seconds, the demons had entered the room shortly after they did.

"I'm sure you're looking for an explanation..." Kane began nervously, tugging at his left ear anxiously.

Never one to dissapoint, it was Bryan who spoke up first. "YOU BETCHER ASS WE ARE!"

"YEAH!" Kagome added. "I got powder in places...there...shouldn't...be...powder...ALRIGHT?!?!" At seeing Fluffy raise his eyebrow she blushed. "Don't ask, okay?"

The demon lord scoffed mentally before replying, "Word got out that you two...were...our..." He flinched slightly. "...mates."

Kane groaned, his hands rising to massage his temples, where he could feel a headache brewing. "And what makes it worse, MY father, Sesshoumaru's Uncle, is coming here."

Bryan blinked. "You and Fluffeh are cousins?"

"Only by marriage."

"Okkkkayyyy, but why are they headed HERE?"

"To see if you guys are worthy."

Kagome shifted uneasily. "Sooooooo...why don't you just tell 'em they heard wrong?"

"Cuz' if they believe that Kane and Lord Fluffeh have mates, they'll stop arranging balls for them to find their 'one true love'. Deeerrr 'Gome." Bryan snorted. "You sure we're related?" She held the smug look for a few seconds before 'Gome bopped her one.

"OW! 'GOOOMEEE!!! THE HELL!?!"

"What would you know about it, Bry?"

The No Name snickered. "My dad had to go through that. Told me alllll about it." Her face turned green. "And when I say alll about it, I mean alllllll about it."

They looked over at the two demons, then back at eachother, before hopping up and shouting, "I CALL FLUFFY!!!" and glaring at each other.

All was silent.

Until they both leaped at Sesshoumaru, who, even though he'd never admit it, had to use all self control not to let out a girly scream.

"'GOME NO FAIR!" Bryan glared at her cousin, who had her arms wrapped around his other leg.

"IT IS TOOOO FAIR! FLUFFY LIKES ME MORE!" Why couldn't Bryan just accept the facts?

"NAH-UH!!!"

"YEAH HUH!!!"

The two continued their interesting fight before Kane interupted, "You know...I'm gonna need a pretend-mate too..."

Both set of female eyes turned to him. "Really? Interesting." before turning back to Sesshoumaru, who was starting to twitch.

He fought back a dramatic sob. "I NEED LOVING TOO!!!" tears falling, he latched onto Bryan's leg, which caused her side to way more...which...caused that side of fluffy's pants start to sag, which caused said fluffy's twitch to increase at the thought of his garments being in a state other than perfect.

Anyone looking in the room would have gone into histerics. There, in the middle of a fancy room, stood the almightly Lord of the Western Lands, Sesshoumaru. ...who had one fully grown kitsune, and two No Names hanging onto his pant legs, which were sagging more by the minute, bawling like three year olds.

Sesshoumaru felt his left eye join in the twitching of his right, as Kane shouted out, "BESIDES! FLUFFY LIKES ME MORE! I'M HIS BESTEST FRIEND!!!"

"NAH UH!!! FLUFFY ONLY HANGS OUT WIF YOU CUZ YOU GOTS A NICE GARDEN! AND HE LIKES TO SMELL THE PRETTY FLOWERS!!!" 'Gome shouted.

Oh, she was trying to make him doubt Fluffy's likingness of him...but he wasn't going to fall for it. "LIES!!! ALL LIES!!! FLUFFY LIKES ME MORE! MEEEE!!!!"

"YER BOTH DOODY HEADS!!! FLUFFY LIKES MEEEEEEEE MORE!!! MEEEE MEEE MEEEEE!!!!"

And just as he felt the last of his patience fly out the window, just as his hand found its way on Tokijin's hilt...silence found its way into the room again.

He glanced down at the three, who stared back up at him.

"Well?"

A raised eyebrow. "Well what?"

"...WHO YOU DO LIKE MORE?!?!"

Although on the outside, he looked as stoic as ever, on the inside, Sesshoumaru was on the verge of having a panic attack. _Who do I choose? If I choose either of them, the other two are going to have a fit. But I have to choose one, and I can't choose them all, because this Sesshoumaru does not 'like' any...hmm..._

The almighty Sesshoumaru announced his decision, a sadistic smirk on his handsome features. "I hate you all equally."

Kagome sweatdropped. "How nice of you."

"My bestest friend hates me." Kane let a few more tears leak out before standing up and straightning out his robes. "BESIDES! They already have us paired up."

"WHAT!?!?"

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Kagome to Sesshoumaru and Bryan with me."

Bryan sweatdropped. "Theeennn...why'd you join us in the art of making Fluffeh twitch?"

Another shrug. "I don't know. I was bored."

She smirked. "Niiiice."

"Thank you."

Kagome blinked as Kane started edging towards the door, along with Sesshoumaru, who was smirking. "Uh...guys...what's goin on?"

"Well, see..."

"We need to make sure that you two are able to act like ladies." Sesshoumaru interupted Kane's nervous chatter. "You two are to sit there, in those chairs," a point to the two solid wood, uncomfortable looking chairs, "for ten minutes."

They glanced at him suspiciously. "What's the catch?"

"Catch? Aa, you may not get up from those chairs, you must sit, quietly, and act like the ladies we all know you most certainly aren't." He paused slightly to gather his thoughts before continueing.

"If you succeed, good. If not..." An evil smirk. "Just make sure you suceed."

The two shuddered as they sat down in the chairs and the demons locked the door, leaving them in silence.

The two Taiyoukai glanced at eachother before inching closer to the door to listen in.

* * *

"This is isn't so bad." They heard Kagome say.

"Yeah, we can do this." Bryan, they presumed.

"Right!"

"Shhhh"

"Sorry"

"S'alright."

"We can do this! I mean, we're mature, and sophizi...so...sophizi...uh...smart enough!...to...do this! We can act like laddehs..."

A giggled. "Laddeeeeeehs. That's funny. Laddeeeeeeeeeeeeeehs."

They heard Kagome join in the giggle fest for a few seconds before snapping out of it. "Hush, you're ruinin the illusion."

"Right, right...sorry..."

They lasted a few more seconds before Bryan let out a loud bark-like laugh. "Booby bob!"

Kagome glanced at her. "What?"

"Sorry, just...something I had to say..."

"Riiiight..."

"No, no, okay, it's like...alright, sometimes, I got so much crap in my head...I have to say something to make room."

"Ooookay..."

"Yeah, cuz when you say it, the words, evaporate, out of yer mind, into thin air."

"I'm sure they do."

"Hey...wouldn't it be cool if my thoughts were people? Like little people living in my head?"

"I guess so..."

"Yeah...that would be soo--OH MY GOD!!!"

The force that she said those words with caused both Sesshoumaru and Kane to jump and bump heads. All was silent as they heard something that sounded like...Bryan having a panic attack.

"What?! What's wrong?!"

"The air!"

"What about it?"

"...I'm breathing it."

That caused Kagome, Sesshoumaru and Kane to fall over anime style.

"So?!"

"The people!"

"What people?"

"In my head! My thoughts! When I say my thoughts outloud, they start floating in the air, right?"

"Ummmm...if you say so."

"So when I BREATHE the air, I'm breathing in the little people!"

"Oooookay."

"And and and now they're in my BLOOD stream. I've kilt the little people!" A sob. "Poor Bob. Never stood a chance."

They heard Kagome let out a few muttered curses, before sighing. "Bry, don't worry about it. See...I breathed them in firs--ACK!!! GET OFF ME WOMAN!!"

"YOU KILT BOB!!!"

"NO! I--uhh...see...uhhhhhh...Bob knew what was goin on, so he crept...uh...through my...ear...and...now he and...Susan...are...having a party..."

"Oh."

"Yeah...can you get off me now?"

"Depends. Is Bob happy?"

"BRYAN!!!"

"I HAVE TO KNOW WOMAN!!!"

"YES! Bob is very happy!!!"

"Okay then."

They heard some scuffling noise that lasted for a few seconds, and then silence.

...for all of about two seconds...

"What is that?"

"What is what?"

"That chewing noise."

"Gum."

"Where'd you get GUM?"

"I bought it."

"Where?"

"At the mall, sheesh woman, get off my back. I bought GUM, I'm allowed to buy GUM."

"..."

"..."

"Soooo...did you eat it all?"

"Eat what?"

"The gum."

"You don't EAT gum, 'Gome, you CHEW it. Deerrrr."

"FINE. Did you CHEW it all?"

"Chew what?"

"THE GUM, BRYAN! THE GUM!"

"Oh. No."

"Wellll...can I have some?"

"Some what?"

"Gum, can I have some."

"Pfft, no."

"Why not?!"

"Because, the gum has gotten used to me chewing it. And if I suddenly let YOU chew it, the gums gonna get confused. Do you want us to have confused gum?"

"Um...no?"

"Exactly."

"...so, the gum, can I have some?"

"NO!"

The two demons jumped as they heard a breaking sound, along with a loud 'thunk'.

"GIMME THE FRIGGIN GUM BRYAN!!!!"

"NEVAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

In fear of his room being torn to shreds, Sesshoumaru opened up the door, to see Bryan running around in circles, trying to avoid Kagome, who kept shouting, "GUMMMM!! GIMME THE FRIGGIN GUUUUUUUUM!!!"

Kane sighed. "You guys couldn't even last ten minutes."

"Well KAGOME was being unladeh like by KILLING Bob!"

"Well BRYAN was being unladeh like by REFUSING TO SHARE!!!"

"WELL KAGOME WAS BEING A BI---"

"Enough!" Sesshoumaru snapped, watching in satisfaction, as the two feuding no names settled down. "You failed, that is all that matters."

Kagome glared. "Pshaw, you make it sound like its soooo easy, sitting in a chair in total silence."

The demon lord grunted. "This Sesshoumaru does it all the time."

"Yeah, by yerself. But I betcha couldn't do it with someone like...say...Kane...sitting right by ya." Bryan added, snickering as Kane shouted,

"Hey! I resent that!"

"You would."

Fluffy snorted hautily. "This Sesshoumaru could do it, no problem."

"You're on!"

"What?"

But before he could take it back, the no names had locked the door, him and Kane stuck in the room.

With nothing, except silence, and each other.

With a smirk, He sat down in one of the chairs, already claiming victory in his mind. He'd put up with Rin's non-stop chatter for YEARS, surely Kane would be no challenge?

...But that was until the Kitsune cleared his throat.

And then cleared it again.

...and AGAIN because EVIDENTLY twice wasn't ENOUGH TO GET THAT STUPID--

_Patience, Sesshoumaru, Patience._

"Ahem."

He felt his eye start to twitch again.

"A-a-ahem."

What was THAT supposed to be? Like two mini 'ahems' and one large one?

Fluffy's eyes widdened slightly. Was that Kitsune trying to pull a triple 'ahem' over him? Did the youkai not think he would notice?

"A---cheeekkk" Kane's eyes liked ta pop right out of his head as Sesshoumaru's hand found its way around his neck. He kneew he was pushing his luck with that triple 'ahem' but he was just so BORED.

But as he went sailing through the window, he couldn't help but wish he had a longer attention span.

"Such ignorance must be punished."

Yes, that was what he was doing. Punishing the Kitsune for being so ignorent as when to STOP clearing his THROAT. Sure, he'd lost the bet, but the Kitsune needed to be punished. He didn't lose. No, Sesshoumaru never lost. He just...chose not to win.

"AHA! NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES!!!" Bryan cackled evilly. "SUCK IT FLUFFY!!! SUCK IT HAAAAARRRRD!!!"

Okay, so maybe he did lose.

...but it was so worth it.

* * *

XD and that concludes dis chapteh. And if anyone is wonderin how it got out about them bein mates...Rin...Rin did it. Pay no attention to me, it was allllllll Rin. 


	21. You want us to what?

**WHAT THE HELL?**

**A/N: Hey everyone. XD Long time no update, ne? Sorry, things have been pretty hectic lately. For a while I even contemplated giving up writing all together. But...after reading my reviews, and seeing how much they made people laugh, I decided that I wanted to keep doing it. So, this is to you guys, for inspiring me. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Two days had passed and Kane's Father was due to arrive any minute. So the demon lords were rushing around, making last minute adjustments. Well, Sesshoumaru was. Kane was no where to be seen. Come to think of it...neither was Bryan.

Glancing over at Kagome, he saw that she was still coloring in that book of hers. Every once in a while she'd change crayons, but for now she was just coloring. That was, until Sesshoumaru decided to interupt her. "Wench." Hadn't he learned anything by now?

"Bastard"  
He growled. "Kagome." Bleh. He'd actually said the wench's NAME! OH THE HORROR!  
"Yah?"  
"Where's that bitch at?"  
"Up your ass and around the corner, why"  
Another growl. "BRYAN. Where is BRYAN at?"

Before she could answer though, the doors to the dinning room slammed open, the no name in question storming through, Kane following in her footsteps. "Bryan, it's NOT that big of a deal..."  
Kagome blinked. Was it her imagination or was Bry's face unusually red? "Uh..Bry?"

"THIS FUCKER KEEPS INSISTING I BATHE!!!!" Her cousin exploded. Needless to say, both Kagome and Sesshoumaru started scooting away from her. Two days was a long time to go without bathing.  
Seeing their expressions, Bryan growled. "With HIM."

They all turned to stare at Kane, who scowled back. "I SAID once my parents arrive, we'll have to do stuff together, like mates would. Sleeping, eating...bathing..."  
Kagome started to snicker, but upon seeing her cousin glare at her, she returned to the safety of her coloring book. It was one with the Backyardigans! How she loved those guys...

"NU! NU NU NU NU NU!!!!" Bryan shouted, going as far as to Jump on the table to avoid Kane. "GET AWAY YOU...PERVERTED PERVERT!"  
Kane sweatdropped. "Perverted pervert? Oooo burn."  
"SHUDDUP!"

A sigh. "Look, we're MATES now, we don't have a choice."  
Bryan pouted. "THEN I DUN WANNA BE MATES NO MORE!" She shouted, causing everyone in the room to fall over.

"W...what?" Since Fluffy's eyes were starting to turn red, Bryan decided it would be a smart thing to get off the table. It WAS his favorite... "You heard me! I WANNA REFUND!"  
The kitsune growled. NOW she was deciding to back out? "We're MATES Bryan, til death do us part! THERE AREN'T ANY REFUNDS!!!"

The room was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. And Sesshoumaru was thankful for the silence, as his ears were starting to bleed from all the shrecking. But the silence was short lived, as Bryan cleared her throat before asking, "So...uh...how long you plan on living?"

"WHAT?!?" Kane shouted, managing to duck JUST in time as a dagger came flying towards him. It landed in the wall with a loud 'THUD'. But it came SO close, he felt the WIND on it. And as Bryan tried to pull the weapon out of the wall, he couldn't help but whimper. What was HE always stuck with the crazy ones?

"Duck."

Seeing how it was Sesshoumaru giving the order, he did so without even thinking, and it was a good thing to, as the dagger sailed over his head again. "DAMMIT WOMAN! STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!"  
"SHUDDUP AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!!!" She shouted in response, chasing after her dagger once more. Just her luck...here she was trying to kill her mate and she'd only brought one weapon with her.

Kane sobbed.

Then Bryan came up with a bright alternative. "Hey! I'mma go get my sword, I'll be right back!"

Kagome watched her cousin leave the room, before looking over at Sesshoumaru thoughtfully. "Ne, ne, Fluffy...can I--"  
"No"  
A pout. "Not even a little?"  
"No."

She scowled. Why did Bryan get to have all the fun? Kane saw how dissapointed she looked and groaned. "You guys just aren't right in the head!" He began to sob again, this time more loudly. "Why me?!?! Why me?!?!"

Two things then preceeded to happen, both at the same time. Kane's parents had arrived and were just walking into the room when they spotted their son sobbing. Not that his sobbing was unusual (Kane always had been a tad dramatic), but they were shocked to see him let out a girly scream as a curly-haired looking human came charging in the room, screaming, "TRY TO MAKE ME BATHE NOW BITCH!!!!"

She started to lunge at him, only for Sesshoumaru to grab her by the hair, effectivly stopping her.  
"Fluuufffyyyy!!!! LEMME GO!!! I wanna kill Kane!"  
He then leaned over and whispered something in her ear. It must have been something awful, because she began to turn green and slowly settled down.

Plastering a fake smile on her face, she turned towards them, before extending her hand out. "Hi, I'm Higurashi Bryan. It's...uh..." She paused as if considering something. Sesshoumaru growled threatningly at her. "Say it..."

"But I just MET them, I dunno if I like them or not!" She protested. Seeing his eyes go red, she sighed, turning back to the parents of Kane. "It's...okay...to meet you." As if anticipating it, she leaned backwards dodging Fluffy's hand just in time.

"HA! OWNED!"

Fluffy raised an eyebrow before poking her with one of his claws, causing her to lose her balance and fall to the floor in a painful heap. "Owwww...I huurrrrt..."

WHAP!

It was Sesshoumaru's turn to hurt as Inue decided that wasn't anyway for him to treat a soon-to-be-mate of his. "That...THING..." Sesshoumaru spat, "Is NOT this Sesshoumaru's mate."

The two older demons blinked in confusion, nearly jumping as Bryan jumped up, exclaiming, "I'M NOT A THING, I'MMA A IT"  
The chose to ignore her for the moment. "If she isn't your mate, then who--"

"AHA!!!!" Kagome shouted as she put down the crayon she'd been holding, beeming proudly at her finished picture of Uniqua. "BACK FOR MOOORE WITH YOUR FRIENDS THE BACKYARDIGANS!" She got up and skipped over to where Bryan was, shoving the picture in her face.

"HA! Bryan look! They said I could never finish it, but they were WROOONGGGG!!!! BWAHAHAHA!"  
Her cousin blinked. "They...and they would be...?"  
"THEM."  
"Oh, right...THEM..."

As the two conversed about how EVIL THEM were, (bow down at my inhanced grammer.BOW), Sesshoumaru and Kane both felt big headaches coming on. If they were smart, they would have just made two demons pose as Kagome and Bryan. But noooo they had to go and be all 'honest'.

"Mom..." Kane sighed. "IT over there" he jerked his thumb in Bryan's direction "is Bryan. My mate." another thumb, this time towards Kagome. "Kagome, is Sesshoumaru's mate."

His mom smiled slightly. "I...see...well, they look...nice"  
Her son snorted, glancing over at Bryan. "If she can lie, then why can't YOU"  
A growl. "Hey, LOOK man, I'm already lying to yer Mammy as it is! Don't push it"  
Kagome nodded in aggreement. "YEAH! You think we WANT to act like your maaaa---" then she remembered just who exactly was standing infront of them... "maaaaammies..."

But, the damage had already been done, as Mrs. Emi turned to the two youkai, who were now trying to both strangle the no-names and look sorry at the same time. "They AREN'T your mates?"

The girls scoffed. "What? You looney? 'Course we're their mates!"

"Prove it."

That caused everybody's eyes to buldge out. "I'm sorry, wha?"  
"You heard me, if you two are so madly in love with my boys, then prove it." She said, gazing at her nails with a uninterested gaze on her face.

Bryan snickered. "Whad'ya wan' us ta DO lady? Rutt right there on the table? Not that I have any problems with that, but I dunno how Kane or Fluffy might feel about their relatives watching."

Kagome shrugged. "I dunno Bryan, Kane seems like the type that would get off on that..." At hearing this, Kane started to choke, and Fluffy's lips started to twitch."Only one way to find out..." The two no-names turned back towards Kane, questioning looks on their faces. "Kane, do you--"

"NO!!!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!! NOT NOW, NOT EVER! NO!!!!"

They snickered. "Spoil sport"

Emi cleared her throat, causing all eyes to turn back to her. "Kiss them"

Kagome and Bryan glanced at eachother, glanced at the boys...and then started giggling like three-year-olds.

"You :**giggle**: want us to :**giggle**:...to :**giggle**:..." and they were never able to get any further than that, because then the giggles changed to belly-shaking laughter, that had Bryan and Kagome holding onto each other for support.

Sesshoumaru and Kane bristled. What was so funny about having to kiss them? Kane and Fluffy each grabbed onto their 'mates', intending on kissing them to prove to their family that they WEREN'T lying...except, they were shaking so hard from laughing that they couldn't even peck them on the cheek.

And then, as if realizing how rediculous the situation was, Kane's shoulders started to shake. And, even though Sesshoumaru knew he had to keep up appearances, and that their lie was slowly crumbling...he felt his body begin to shake as well. Pretty soon, they were all laughing in a pile on the floor, while Inue and Sirano looked on in puzzlement.

Akio glanced over at his wife, a small smile playing on his lips. They hadn't seen Sesshoumaru or Kane laughing like this since...EVER.

_Something must be done about this..._

_Hai, something...marvelous..._

* * *

**A/N: XD how'd you like it? Lemme know.**_  
_


	22. BITE ME!

**WHAT THE HELL?**

**Chapter...0,o uh...22?**

**A/N: Right, well I know some of you might be confused about Kane's mom, and if her name's Inue or Emi. Right. Well, when I was writing the story, I didn't have access to my files on my other computer, which was where my list of Japynese names were located. So I just pulled once outta mah ass. XD But I didn't like it, so I decided to change it while I was puttin the last details on, but I missed one. So, for the record, the father is Akio and the mother is Emi. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**  
**

"I despise you." Sesshoumaru spat as he adjusted his formal robes, trying hard to keep himself from killing the two no names who stood across from him.

Still, even though he was on the verge of murdering the idiots, he had to admit the two did clean up nicely. Sure, they were still insane, but maybe if one were to tape their mouths shut, they could be suitable companions.

What was going on you may ask? Why were our two favorite idiots cleaned up you may or may not be wondering? Well, it's simple. Emi, having learned of their charade had decided to put on a ball anyway, only now, she was trying to find Kagome and Bryan mates as well. So, males had also been invited to the ball.

"Dammit Kane, tell yer mammy to mind her own damn--"

"What's that Bryan dear?" As if on cue, Kane's 'mammy' appeared, a creepy smile on her face. But Bryan wasn't one to hold her tongue. Ever. "Look lady--"

"What's that you say? You realize how much time, sweat, money and energy I've put into this ball and appreciate all that I've done for you?"

"Well actually---"

"Because, you know, I would be utterly crushed to bits and pieces if you refused my help."

Bryan pouted, looking to Sesshoumaru and Kane for assistance, only for them to smirk back at her. They knew all to well about Emi and her refusal to take no for an answer. "No fair."

Kagome nodded. "Yeah! Yer a mama, everyone knows they gots special mama powers!"

They sobbed dramatically. "And you chose to use your powers for EVIL, how could you?!?!"

Emi (wisely) chose to ignore them. "No slouching dears."

"Yes Ma'am."

The two no names shrugged. Might as well get over it. After all, there might be some hot guys at the ball. One never could tell.

But as the doors opened up and the females immediately swarmed the male demons, our favorite idiots found themselves wrestling with a severe case of jealousy.

And as they watched those evil females claw at their tails and ears the case only worsened. Kagome growled as someone called Sesshoumaru 'Fluffy'. Only she and Bryan were allowed to call him Fluffy.

...Well...accept..for Rin...she could call him Fluffy...

And...of course...Kane...

...and Emi...because she would simply use her powers to get it to where she was allowed, so the no name might as well--ARG! She was getting sidetracked.

Glancing at Bryan, she just _barely_ managed to stop her cousin from taking a swing at the females surrounding Kane.

"Bryan! We can't kill them!"

She just looked at Kagome. "And...we can't...why???"

"Because Emi will kill us." She explained reasonably.

Groaning, the no name reluctantly sheathed her weapon, only to have it jerked from her hand by a strange demon.

"A female with beauty such as yourself should not carry a weapon." He stated in what he _thought _was a charming way.

"Awwwww how sweeeeeeet." Bryan cooed in a sickingly innocent voice. "But, you see, I need that sword, in case I decide that some people need killin."

"With me by your side, you shan't need a weapon any longer--"

Having had enough, the no name lunged at the guy, grabbing hold of the hilt of the sword and pulling. "LOOK dude, either you gimme my sword or I kick yer ass, either way is fine with me!"

He didn't budge, his grip being far stronger than hers. Exasperatedly, she started kicking and clawing the man. "Dude let go...DUDE...LET GO!!!!" Then she decided to add biting into it. "GIMME MY FUCKIN SWORD ASSHOLE!!! LET GO!"

Knowing that they were starting to draw a scene, Kagome grabbed hold on Bryan and started to pull her away.

"Just let it go, Bryan. Let it go."

Deciding that taking her away from the 'ass hole' was the best choice, she changed direction, heading for the powder room, her muscles straining as she dragged her cousin across the room, said cousin screaming all the way. "GIMME MY FUCKING SWORD OR I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I'LL CUT YERS OFF!!! DON'T YOU WALK AWAY! IF YOU DON'T HAND ME MY SWORD SO HELP ME!!! YOU WILL KNOW PAIN!!! AND DEATH!!! OKAY NOT DEATH, 'CAUSE EMI WILL KILL ME 'CAUSE SHE'S ALL 'BLEH' THAT WAY--BUT PAIN!!! YOU WILL KNOW PAIN!!!!!"

Desperately, Bryan tried to grab someone's arm to stop the process of taking her away from the ass hole, but people were catching on, and so they started to back away from her.

"I'm not crazy, I swear." Bryan grinned at a particular cute youkai. "I JUST WANT MY GOD DAMN SWORD BACK SO I CAN KILL PEOPLE!!!! ARG!!! KAGOME STOPPIT! YER MAKIN ME SEEM CRAZY! LOOK, THEY THINK WE'RE--HEY! HEY DUDE! YOU! NEXT TO THE ASSHOLE! YEAH! GRAB MY SWORD WILL YA?!?!" She growled when the demon simply walked away. "FUCKER!"

The sounds of Bryan's screams faded as the two got further away. Trembling, the 'ass hole' walked over to Emi, his features changing back to his normal form.

"I got her sword for you. Now she won't be able to kill anyone." He fought to keep steady his shudders as her threats came back to him.

Seeing her start to laugh, Akio bristled. "I thought she was going to kill me!"

Emi gave her mate a look. "You, an all powerful Tai youkai was scared by a poor little girl?"

Groaning, he sat down next to her. "Yeah yeah."

Kagome sighed in annoyance. "Are you happy now? You got us thrown out. Now we can't even threaten the women who were leeching all over Fluffy and Kane."

Her cousin moped. She hadn't _meant _to get them kicked out...even though...really...it was Kagome...who'd kicked them out...she just wanted to get her friggin sword back so she could make the leeches go away! But she had failed and now Kagome was mad at her.

Damn it.

Bryan racked her brain for ideas, before finally saying, "Hey, if you want, we can try scaring the leeches away."

Blue eyes rolled in annoyance. "Get real Bryan."

"No! I'm serious! It worked for the guys didn't it? No one wanted anything to do with us!"

The angel/dragon/inu demon thought about that statement, wondering if she should be mad about the fact that they didn't want anything to do with them after Bryan's...Bryan-ness, or glad that Bryan had thought of the idea.

She decided on the later, seeing how stopping the leeches was more important than staying mad at her cousin. "Yeah, alright. S'worth a shot."

"Cool. You take Fluffy, I'll take Kane!"

They nodded to each other before going their separate ways.

* * *

Kane nodded politely as the beautiful demoness rambled on about...stuff...trying hard to keep from yawning. Tai had seemed interesting enough, so he had walked her out to the balcony for a bit of privacy, only to be sorely disappointed the more she talked. 

She was pretty, but so...

_Boring._

Talking about how beautiful she was, how she was so happy to finally meet him, and how they were going to be so happy as mates and...wait...what?!

"I'm sorry, go back to that last thing again?"

A nasally laugh. "You asked me out here because you like me, obviously! So it's only a matter of time before you ask me to be your mate, and I just want you to know that I fully ACCEPT!"

He felt both a headache and a panic attack coming on. "Ma...mates?" how did he go from trying to get to know her better to proposing? Maybe he'd missed something while zoning out.

Just as Kane felt like bursting into tears (MAN was he dramatic) an arrow sailed through the air, narrowly missing his ...whatever...by a hair.

For a minute he thought the castle was under attack, until he heard Bryan's voice.

"Pssst, Kane!"

Not seeing her anywhere, he decided to just shout, "YEAH?"

"You dead?"

A sweat drop. "No...I'm very much...alive..."

"DAMMIT!"

Another arrow, this one even more close to hitting Tai than the last one. Blinking, Kane slowly grinned as he realized what she was trying to do. "NOPE! STILL ALIVE BRYAN! YOUR AIM SUCKS!"

"BITE ME!!!!"

"I WOULD IF WE WERE STILL HAVING SEX!"

"BIIIIIITEEEEEE MEEEEEEEE!!!!"

More arrows, all missing. He looked over at Tai, who was shaking. "W...W...who is that?"

A careless shrug. "Ah, that's Bryan. I courted her for a while and lost interest." He dodged another arrow. "And she's never forgiven me since." He smiled hastily. "But I'm sure you'll be just fine! After all, she's only killed two of my intended mates so far."

A shaky breath. "Out of how many?"

"...two..."

With a tight smile, Tai told him she'd think about it, before rushing inside.

Kane sighed in relief. "_Thank you_ Bryan."

A snicker. "T'was a pleasure."

Kagome sweated nervously as she entered the inner circle of the leeches. She wasn't as conniving as Bryan, who could pull shit out of her ass, so she was lost as to how to get them to leave Fluffy alone and never come back. Ever.

"Oh will you just look at that _hair_? And those _eyes_!" One of them screeched. "Oh he is _so _mine!"

"You can't have him!" She blurted out, cursing slightly as all eyes shifted to her.

They eyed her up and down before snorted. "Really? And why is that? Because you've claimed him already? Newsflash, so have we!"

"No...uh...shit...uh..." Kagome stumbled for words. "You see...Sesshoumaru is...GAY!"

The leeches looked at her with puzzled looks on their faces. "...gay? ...What does that mean?"

Shit. She'd forgotten that being in the past, they probably wouldn't know what 'gay' was. So all she had to do was explain it to them and hope to god she did it quick enough before Fluffy came back from getting some wine and killed her. Right.

"Well you see..." Kagome squinted as she tried to picture what Bryan would say in this situation. "Sesshoumaru is in love...with...Kane..."

Pure silence. Until one of the leeches asked, "Does Kane love him back?"

Crap. Should she make him gay? Yes...no...mmm..."Well you see," She hoped that the women of the past were just as fangirlish as the ones in the future. "Kane doesn't even know of Sesshoumaru's affections. He just keeps chasing after women and trampling all over Sesshoumaru's heart."

All the leeches were paying attention now. So, Kagome proceeded to tell them all about how in love with Kane Sesshoumaru was.

* * *

Sesshoumaru felt his grip on the wine glass tighten as the females annoyingly high voices reached his ears. Even with all the talking going on, he could _still _hear what story Kagome was feeding them. And he was very tempted to go over there and even _show _them just how _ungay_ he was. However, he knew that if he just rode it out, no female would ever bother him again. 

"Aawwww, he _cried_?"

_It is for this Sesshoumaru's sanity..._

"He made that for Kane? Awwwwww..."

_I mustn't interfere..._

"Oh! He BLUSHED! HOW CUTE!"

_My own sanity..._

"I didn't know he could _sing_!"

_ENOUGH!!!!!_

Gathering what was left of his dignity, he slowly made his way back, somehow managing to keep his eyes from bleeding red. She would _pay_. Already planning on slicing her down the _moment _one of them snickered...not at all expecting the pity...sorrow...hearts...and even...respect...in their eyes.

He snorted. Women.

But, they had backed off now. Even...if it was...so they could gossip about Kane and his love affairs...

Glancing down at Kagome, he noted that she seemed really nervous. Should he kill her? Okay, so the no name DID make the leeches go away.

Grudgingly, he muttered a curt, "Thanks".

Trying to tell himself he wasn't at all glad that he'd said it simply for the fact that it made her smile.

* * *

**Argg!!!! I hated this chapter. :sighs: I just wasn't happy with it at all. Seemed like no matter what I just couldn't get it to work right, ya know? Meh, hopefully the next one will be better. **


	23. The mission

A/N: I know it has been quite a while since I've updated WHAT THE HELL and for that, I want to deeply apologize. I'm not going to offer any excuses, but I do have a reason. I have been really depressed lately. I'm getting some medication for it but right now it's really hard to think like Bryan when all you want to do is sleep so another day can just END already. But after talking to my good friend Inu-chan...and another cool person, UMM, I decided that I wasn't going to let my depression keep me from writing any more. So here's to Inu-chan who is like the coolest person ever and Umm who is neat to talk to and here's to you guys, if you're reading this, for being patient with me. If reviewers and readers do indeed help shape a writer, which I believe they do, then I am very lucky to have you guys for an audience. :bows:

And without further ado...

WHAT THE HELL

Chapter 23

* * *

Bryan and Kagome realized the chemistry they had with Kane and Sesshoumaru after the ball and spent numerous evenings having wild passionate smex which produced lots and lots of kiddies. Naraku found out that he wasn't evil, simply misunderstood and decided to start being a better father to Kagura and Kanna. The sun was shinning, birds were singing and they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

...Oh if only, eh?

But jumping back into reality...

Everything was gong fine. Bryan was off doing lord knows what to lord knows who and Kagome was talking to Sesshoumaru. Hours had passed since the whole arrow/gay incident. Nothing else should have happened that night.

Until, Sesshoumaru, after ten minutes of relentless whinning and begging had finally agreed to let Kagome have a sip of his demon wine. She had been thrilled.

After all, it was _demon _wine. Which had to be like...a gazillion times more awesomer than human wine, right?

The red liquid hit her taste buds and she relished in the flavor.

It was...nice...not too syrupy, not to watery...

And it was also...

Fruity.

In an eerily similar way.

Her eyes pop open as the taste registers with her brain. She wants to freak. But she can't. For if she does, all will be lost.

So she tries to prioritize what she needs to do.

First thing first, keep Bryan from tasting the 'demon wine'...

Then, after she was _sure _ Bryan was secure in a dungeon somewhere, she could freak out.

Heart racing in her ears, she scanned the ballroom frantically searching for that untidy mop of hair. No go. Emi had made Bryan comb it. Damn. What to do...what to do...

Voice? Bryan's voice was loud and kind of high pitched. Easily distinguishable. She strained her ears, hoping against hope...

Nothing. The room was filled with chatter and a little bit of laughter but not that special voice. The voice that came from a little bitty person who was _so short_... how could so much evil be in such a small body? How?!

No time no time no time-- DUH!

_It's Bryan you're looking for. Just look for people who look ready to crap their pants. Gah, so easy..._

Another quick scan and she found a demoness who fit the description. She was pale, and twitchy, constantly looking over her shoulder...

Hoo yeah. Bryan had attacked. And hard.

Walking up to the shaking female, she said, "Hi. Um...I'm looking for a person. Black hair, red eyes--"

"You mean Kane-sama's crazy ex?!" Came the shriek, causing her to pause thoughtfully. The ex part didn't fit...

But the crazy part? Oh yes. "Yeah! That's her. Where'd she go?"

_Come on, come on...hurry up...answer woman..._ But to Kagome's disbelief, the demoness just snorted at her. "Why should I tell you?"

A blink. "Why? I'm trying to save you, that's why."

Ai lifted an eyebrow. "Uh huh."

"I am! Honest!"

"Yeah, I tell you and then you BOTH start shooting arrows at me!"

She shook her head. "No no no! See it's...and the wine...and...I'm going to SAVE the world!"

The demoness gave her a blank look. "Uh huh. Sure. I'm leaving." Made to walk away only to find Kagome's hand clenching her neck. "Le-let go!"

Kagome's blue eyes sprarkled with raw energy. "Let me put this simple—I NEED YOU TO HELP ME SAVE THE WORLD!" Started shaking her. "THE WORLD! YOU KNOW WHAT'LL HAPPEN TO THE WORLD ONCE BRYAN TASTES THAT WINE?! IT'LL IMPLODE!! WHICH IS LIKE EXPLODING BUT WORSE!! BECAUSE IT HAS AN **I **IN IT AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT **I** IS EVIL!!"

But before she could get the woman to spit out anymore more information, she heard three words that struck terror into her very being.

"OOO!! WINE! SCORE!"

Threw the demoness aside and charged for the table that was littered with yummie goodies and the demon wine. Felt the world fade to slow mode as she raced to keep her cousin from...

_Lifting the glass and taking a sip._

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!" With a wild like roar she tackled Bryan to the floor, hands wrapped tight around her throat to keep her from swallowing. Demons were staring, but she didn't care. The mission was more important then them right now.

"SPIT IT OUT BRYAN! NOW!"

"CLEECCCKKK--"

"DON'T YOU CLEECCCKKK ME! THE WORLD IS IN DANGER! THE WOLD!!" Bryan's face started turning shades of blue but she still refused to spit it out. Why? Because Kagome obviously wanted her to. And she wasn't gonna let 'Gome win.

As if hearing her thoughts, Kagome let out a scream and started shaking her cousin. " YOU SPIT IT OUT DAMNIT! THE WORLD WILL IMPLODE! AND **I **IS EVIL!!"

Leaning over to her mate, Emi whispered, "Why does Kagome think she's evil?"

"I don't know..." Akemi blinked. "Bryan took a sip of the wine and then Kagome attacked her.

They all watched as Bryan's body started trembling. This only caused her cousin's yells to grow louder. "DON'T YOU LAUGH!" She started clawing at the clenched jaw with one hand, while keeping her other one still firmly clenched on her throat. "Bryan, listen to me. I am trying to SAVE YOU." Maybe the calm approach would work. "Years from now when we're old and wrinkly and I finally tell you the reason you will realize why. But we'll never get that far if you don't SPIT IT OUT because the world will freaking IMPLODE!" More shaking. "IMPLODE DAMNIT! BECAUSE OF **I**!!"

Sesshoumaru walked over to them and began pulling them apart. "Wench you will stop this at once."

"EVILLLLL!! THE WORLD FLUFFY! FLUFFY! FLUFFY WILL DIE BRYAN! DO YOU WANT THAT?!" Saw Bryan actually _thinking_ about it and let out a whimper. She should have known. Trying to reason with an insane person using sanity was futile. "You're considering it!" Turned towards Sesshoumaru. "Can you believe she's considering it?!"

Fluffy looked down pointedly at her hands. "Shocking."

She heard his implication and blinked. "What, me? I'd never consider killing you Fluffy. Killing is _wrong_."

"So Bryan's an exception?"

Another blink. "I'm saving her. I'm saving the world." As if reminded of her mission again, Kagome's hold tightened. "THE WORLD BRYAN! THE WOOORLLLLDDD!!"

Sighing, he slowly managed to separate them.. Half way through the procedure she started sobbing dramatically. She didn't understand why they wouldn't let her save them from the nasty **I**...

But as Bryan slowly sat up and was finally able to swallow, and she saw those red eyes narrow with realization...

"Fruit.Punch. Fruit. Punch. DEMONS ARE THE MAKERS OF THE PUNCH OF FRUITINESS!!"

She groaned. "Fuck it." She'd tried to stop it and had given it her all...and still, she had failed.

_So...I guess...the only thing to do is hold on tight and enjoy the ride. _

And as Bryan started dragging her out of the room and towards the future, she locked her eyes with Fluffy and gave him her meanest most nastiest look ever. Sure he only smirked back but deeeep deeeeep down she was almost sure that she heard him whimper.

Oh yes. Whimper.

Which is what he was going to do soon.

Because as _soon _as they got back, she was going to tell all his little vultures that he wasn't _gay_ but merely _bisexual_.

And boy he'd sure be sorry for screwing up her mission then, wouldn't he?

She held onto that thought as they ran through the forest.

* * *

"Haha...whew!" Kane let out one more chortle before turning to his bestest friend. "They sure are—woah. Man, are you okay?"

Sesshoumaru's pale complexion had gotten several shades lighter and his hand was tightly clenched around his wine glass. A few cracks sounded out. "I..have a feeling I'm going to want to die soon."

"Heh. That's weird."

"Hmm..."

* * *

I am so sorry if it's not up to code with my usual Bryan-works. But it's been a few months and I'm sort of rusty so...; please be gentle.


	24. Squirrels and Pigeons

A/N: Okay am I the only one who is like seriously hating this new 'update' to ? I mean everything is changed. It took me FIFTEEN minutes to figure out how to upload another chapter damnit! :flails: I loathe it. Why do people have to change things when things are going fine the way they are?!

* * *

Getting back to the present wasn't really all that hard. Sure they had to stow away as luggage in a few…twenty….carts and _sure _they were found out several times and had to make a run for it…

But it wasn't _that _bad. Just silent.

All the way until they were downtown. That was where Kagome finally snapped, no longer able to handle the stress of possibly most definitely becoming an outlaw. Her steps had slowed down to a screeching halt halfway there, eyes wide and skin pasty. "Nn..newss…"

Bryan stopped, a confused look on her face. "What about it?"

"W-we're gonna b-b-be on it ag-gain aren't we?"

Considered the question for a few seconds then shrugged nonchalantly. "It's a possibility, yeah…" At seeing her cousin pale even more, she gave her a concerned poke. "'Gome you okay?"

The not so gentle prod is just what her cousin needed to sob it all out, "NO! We're walking downtown :**sob**: in the middle of the night :**sob**: you have tools! TOOLS!" Bryan hid her 'tools' behind her back, but to no avail. "We... :_hic_: which means you're gonna do somethin :**sob**: and and and we're gonna be on the NEWS agaiinnn which means I'mma be a crinimal!!! WAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

Bryan was kind of shocked and felt a little bit ashamed. She was used to doing these things and had been in fact doing them all her life. But Kagome....Kagome had gone from being normal to being crazy in just a short amount of time. The progress could be quite traumatic. So to add on to it...she should have really known better. Taking on a soothing tone, she held up her hands in a peaceful gesture. "Okay, okay....here's what we'll do...you ready?"

At hearing the soothing tone, Kagome relaxed, nodding slightly. "Mmmhmm."

"Okay, you stay right here. Right. Here." Backed away a few steps to make sure Kagome wouldn't go anywhere, then continued, "and I'm going to go on ahead."

"A-an' I don' hav' ta come?" 'Gome sniffed pitifully.

Bryan shouldered her backpack. "Nope! You'll just be an accomplice. Much less jail time. Now, when you see me come running towards you, you start hauling ass, okay?"

Still in the relaxed zone, Kagome nodded, a small smile on her face. "Okay!"

"Okay. Well off I go..." And then Bryan disappeared into the night. Well...she tried, but it was kind of hard with her humming that mission impossible theme song but...well anyone who saw her she glared at until they quickly averted their eyes, and with her menacing threat (You didn't _see _anything **pal**) all was good.

"Wait..Jail time? _JAIL TIME?!?!?! _BRYAN!!! WAIT! HOW MUCH JAIL TIME!!?!?!"

Bryan was much too far away to hear but that didn't stop her from screeching.

* * *

Bryan had everything planned. She knew for a fact that the store owner went out for a smoke every night for about five minutes. Giving her ample time to sneak in via the basement window. She'd done it before once and it shouldn't be that hard to sneak through it.

Two problems with that theory, she discovered three minutes into it.

One, the last time she'd tried to sneak in via basement window….she was seven and much smaller.

Two, the last time she'd tried to sneak in via basement window she was seven, much smaller and _naked._

As it was, it had taken all of her sucking in powers to get two legs into the damn thing, wiggle the rest of her way in—

_Riiipppppp!_

And now she was topless.

_Just like old times, _Bryan mused, grinning wickedly. Ah well—forget about the shirt she had an endless supply of booze at hand! She was homefree! She had—

"FUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!"

Just stubbed her toe. Damnit! "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!"

"Who's down there?!"

Should have been alarmed, but wasn't. All that mattered was the insane throbbing in her left foot. That was never going to end. She'd never be able to kick ass in the history of the future EVER AGAIN!!! OH THE HORROR!

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

"Bryan?! Is that you?"

Footsteps sounded out, signaling that the owner was coming down the stairs. Any normal person would have started panicking but all she could think about was…

"I'll answer you when I'm done—FUUUUUUUCCKKK!!!"

Her father's head appeared over a stack of boxes, blinking when he saw his daughter hopping on one foot…topless. "What are you fucking about?"

Finally the pain subsided. She'd be able to live happily now. Sure kicking ass would have to wait for a few years but….she could handle it.

"What are you sneaking in here for?" Reiji asked as he started rummaging around for a shirt for her. "You know I did give you a key…"

She emptied her bag of the Styrofoam tools and started packing beers. "Yeah but why walk through the front door and buy the beer when I can just sneak in and steal it?"

Reiji did an anime fall, his legs twitching. "STEAL?!?! YOUR OWN BEER??!?!"

Bryan slowed her packing, glaring slightly. "When you put it like that it makes me sound like a crazy person."

He shot up into a standing position, eyes flashing. "_Your _beer Bryan! How much were you planning on stealing?!?!"

"….I don't feel comfortable giving you that information on account of….you can ground me." An awkward shuffle.

"Oh my GAWD! Do you have any idea how much that'll cost me?! US?!"

"I was GOING to pay you back!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Really? When?"

Silence.

"I'm waiting."

She blinked. "Oh. You believed me?"

Renji's eye twitched. "DAMNIT BRYAN!"

"BUT IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE!"

"You said that last time!"

"And was I wrong?"

He took a pause in their bantering to consider that. "In whose opinion? Mine or yours?"

Bryan grinned. "The world's."

"YES!!!"

Uh oh. Screaming. Not good. "Don't you think you're overreacting?"

His entire body was now twitching. After all the crap Bryan had pulled—she _dared _to even entertain the thought of using that word?!?! "Those squirrels were never able to—and the PIGEONS!"

Bryan growled, "Hey! The pigeon thing wasn't my fault!"

Reiji mimicked the growl, arms flailing around him as he shouted, "What are you TALKING about?! It was so TOTALLY your fault! You're the one who---GET OUT OF MY SHOP!!!"

She fell over at the loud screech, ears pulsing. He'd been _right _next to her. Damn. So _that's _what it felt like. "….our shop."

He started shoving her towards the basement window. "NOT ANYMORE! YOU'RE DISOWNED! GET OUT!" (Now we know where Bryan gets it from)

"….can I still get some beer?"

Reiji shrugged, rage subsiding. "Sure. Just do it like you did last time."

"Sweet." Gathered up a few boxes under one arm, gave her father a huge with the other, then ran up the stairs and out the front door, jiggling all way.

Reiji sweatdropped. "Bry….your shirt…." Ah well. He walked over and pressed the alarm button, cackling madly as he dashed up the stairs shouting, "STOP! THIEF! STOP!!!"

It was completely insane and irrational, but...well....

This is what he _lived _for.

* * *

I was in a bout of depression and writing this really helped me. Expect another chapter really soon, due to the depression. I hope it was funny enough for you guys though! ^^ Please review.


	25. Don't judge meh

What The Hell

Chapter 25

()

The ball had started to get boring. People weren't really dancing, they were sort of just swishing around slowly....with very bored looks on their faces. They weren't really talking, they were just sort of muttering. All the newest gossip had been shared and received, all the macho-bragging had been done...

And now they were just....standing around....awkwardly.

That was until _they _showed up.

Two girls.

Both were sporting multiple injuries.

Scrapes, bruises, scratches.

Their bodies were liberally smeared in places with a strange mud-like substance that wasn't really mud but it _looked _like mud only it didn't _smell _like mud...

They were also breathing heavily.

One girl was topless.

The other girl...had what looked like tear-stains on her face. And her left eye was slightly twitching. Like a nervous tick.

They were both carrying..what _looked_...

And _smelt..._like bottles of piss.

So Kane, never one for beating around the bush, said, "So you traveled....all the way to your town...which is very far away I presume...and you bring us back piss?"

"Not just _any _piss," Bryan stated, clearly thinking that Kane was an idiot for daring to question them, "_Low cal _piss."

Fluffy's eyebrow arched. "This Sesshoumaru refuses to drink urine."

"Humans do it!"

That got the red-eyed no-name a huff and an eyeroll. A two for one deal! Yes, Fluffy was feeling mighty generous tonight! "Humans are stupid creatures. They cannot possibly be held responsible for their actions." Stupidity was a disease, of which there was no known cure. Only death. Which was why Lord Fluffous used to go on human-killing rampages back in the day. Which was a day before Rin. Some called it cruel....

He called it a service to his people. Stupid humans were _dangerous _humans.

"So you're too much of a coward to try what humans are known to drink religiously?" Kagome asked, thinking that maybe if she used enough words, Fluffy might just cave.

But Fluffy...Fluffy knew the most awesomest rebuttal to her not-quite-as-awesome challenge. "If the humans were to jump off a cliff would you do that as well?"

Sesshoumaru was a _pro. _

"Betcher ass!" Bry howled, having no patience with _rebuttals _and _challenges_. "Now drink the damn beer!"

Kane scratched his head confusedly. "I...I thought it was piss?"

"Look man, we had to go through _hell _to get that beer--"

Fluffy nodded in understanding. "That would explain your toplessness."

A blink. "What, this? No, this was the window trying to _eat me_."

Her cousin snickered. "You do seem to have a thing with windows..."

"We had to avoid cops! And Kagome's MOM! AT THE SAME TIME! YOU OWE US!"

"For piss?" Kane's nose wrinkled in distaste. It was very yellow. Someone obviously didn't drink enough fluids...

Bryan wanted to bash her head in against the wall. She honestly didn't think this would be so hard! Okay truth be told, she hadn't really _thought _about it at all...she didn't really _think _about things, she just..._did them_. Still, how was she supposed to know that demons were phobic about piss? I mean, seriously?

"If you just _drink it_ you'll see that it's really not that bad! It's got lime in it!"

That stupid perfect eyebrow of Fluffy's was raised again. "Piss with flavor. Lovely."

"IT'S NOT PISS!"

"Pardon this Sesshoumaru, low cal piss."

"Fluffy I will have Kagome kick your _ass _if you don't drink this beer!"

An arrogant flick of those silver locks had Kagome's eye twitching again, and half-of the female population swooning over his prettiful hair. "This Sesshoumaru finds that threat difficult to fear."

Blue eyes narrowed. "You sayin I can't do it?"

"Did you piss in bottles?" Kane interrupted, peering quizzically at one of said bottles. "Is that what this is? Some type of sick joke? Is this _your _piss?"

Bryan rolled her eyes so hard they almost popped out. "Yeah, okay, you got me, I pissed in like a gajillion bottles, just to watch you—oh come on! Does that _really _sound like something I'd do?!"

Everyone stared at the two no names, clearly thinking over the possibilities.

"I am NOT drinking your piss," Sesshoumaru finally stated, a thoroughly disgusted look on his oh so bootiful face.

"It's not MINE! AND IT'S NOT PISS!" Seriously, really? Did she _really _look the type?

"Low cal piss, same thing!" Apparently that was a _fuck yes are you kidding me?! Do you even have to freaking ask?!_

Kane was still inspecting the bottle. He carefully unscrewed the top and took a few whiffs. "It does smell a bit..._off_...for it to be urine..."

All eyes turned to the kitsune.

"Dude, you go around smelling piss?" Okay that was a bit weird, even by Bryan's standards.

"I'm sticking up for you and you dare judge me?"

Hmmm...should she drop it or keep going? On one hand...sniffing piss was something she felt they really needed to talk about. On the other hand...he _was _sticking up for their Beer...and sticking up for beer always demanded respect.... "Fair enough."

Another sniff. "So we're really expected to drink this?"

A wide, slightly insane grin was his answer. "It's AWESOME dude, believe me! Isn't it 'Gome?!"

"Sure!" The pitch of Kagome's voice...with the pure sugary chipperness...almost made Bry's ears bleed. "That was a bit....chipper."

Which was a bit like saying peanut butter was a good lube. (1)

Kagome nodded. "That's me! I'mma chipper person!"

"Kagome?"

"Yes?"

"You've never had beer before have you?"

There was a brief pause, as her cousin wondered on if she should lie or tell the truth. "What? Me? Never—_what_?" Lying won, but she was unfortunately a suckish liar. Must be all that crap she'd been told growing up...something about how lying was wrong...hmmmmmmm.... "I mean...once. A sip. When I was three."

It was Bryan's turn to have her eye twitch. "Never had a beer, never been on the news, never been on the run from angry parents and the cops at the same time—you are _such _a virgin whore."

Kagome frowned thoughtfully. "I think that's a...what do they call those? An anti-moron?"

"..I'm pretty sure it's not."

"Okay."

"So what happens once we drink this.....not-piss?" Sesshoumaru asked, taking a bottle of his own. His seemed to be a darker shade—had Bryan given his some extra? He cringed at the thought.

"It's _beer _jackass, and you get drunk. Doi."

"....drunk?"

"You know, wasted," Kagome offered.

Sesshoumaru's face stayed blank.

"....YOU GUYS ARE ALL VIRGIN WHORES AREN'T YOU?!?!?" Seriously! WHAT THE HELL?!

"I'm pretty sure that's impossible..."

Bryan scowled darkly at her stupidly smart cousin. "Shut UP Kagome! We're about to kill braincells! No one wants to learn right now!"

The Kitsune felt his ears perk up. "This piss kills braincells? What are those? Are they vital to our survival?"

"Never been proven, they help you think, and....not to you, Kane, no." Bry was always sure to give Kane's self-esteem that extra boost. Because she cared.

"..why does everyone always pick on me?!"

'Gome grinned sheepishly. "Because you're kinda asking for it. All the time. And because we care too much to let you get away with it." See? Kagome knew!

"...Fine I'll drink it," came the answering mutter. It was full of bitterness. He sounded bitter. Like a lemon. A bitter lemon of bitterly bitterness.

"Awwwww!" Bryan chirped, "Way to give into peer pressure!" She wasn't bitter. She was full of rainbow and sunshine and fuzzy bunnies!

"I'm pretty sure that's something mean, so I'm going to ignore you."

"Way to use those braincells!" Fuzzy **evil **bunnies.

"So how does it taste?" Sesshoumaru demanded to know, eyes sharply trained on his not-friend. (Fluffy didn't have friends. No, he was too awesome and kewel for such things. He merely had people that he allowed in his personal bubble of fluffiness.)

"...it's not piss," Kane offered to what he thought to be his bestest friend in the whole wide world. (Kane had loads of friends! He loved every one of them! Even people he had never met before were his friends! Unless they wanted to kill him. Then they were merely acquaintances. Strangely enough, he had more acquaintances than he did friends. But Fluffy said they were all just jealous. Or was that Rin? It might have been Rin...)

"Again, dude, what the hell?" Bryan just couldn't let it go this time. Why did he sniff piss? Was this a kitsune trait she didn't know about? Did he get his jollies from it? Did he expect his future mate to participate in piss-sniffing? (Not that...she cared...it wasn't like she _liked _him or anything...pshh...pshh..)

"Again, Bry, don't judge me. I just drank your piss." At least he was confident in what he did. Even if it was a bit...gross.

She noticed he was staring at her and scowled her evil scowl of evilness. "What?!"

"It's not...._really_...your piss, is it?"

Her lips twitched mischievously. "What do _you _think?"

A slight pause, then Kane shook his head. "No, it can't be. This is yellow."

Just what the hell did he think her piss would look like? "My piss could be yellow! I could _have _yellow piss!" Was this some weird, secret code way of saying he didn't _like _her?

He grinned back easily, "No, your piss would be black and full of _evil_."

That was quite possibly...the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her in the history of ever.

Bryan smirked. "Would you drink my piss if it _was _black?"

Kane shifted slightly. "Ummm...probably. But only for curiosity's sake!" His face gained a panicked look. "I'm not a freak, I swear! I just--"

Lips covered his own briefly, just enough for him to get a hint of what she tasted like, then she was gone, half-way across the room with Kagome.

He looked up at Sesshoumaru. "Well it _can't _be piss, if she was willing to kiss me, right?"

"....."

"Right?"

"You'd taste her piss if it was _black_?" The dog demon's face was contorted in a look of utter disgust. "That has to be—the most—vile--I--I'm leaving your presence."

Several claps from the female demons rang out, a few shouting, "You go Sesshoumaru-sama! Stand up for your dignity! He should be tasting _your _piss only!"

The Kitsune felt his jaw drop. "Wait! Sesshoumaru! I'm not—it was---wait up!" He down his bottle of maybe-not-piss and then chased after his bestest friend. "DON'T JUDGE ME! I'M NOT A FREAK! I SWEAR!"

()

**A/N**: The inu-tachi will be coming in...soonish. Probably next chapter.

(1)I'm really sorry. XD We were trying to come up with something to go there, and it ranged from, 'which was a bit like saying orcas don't eat penguins' to 'which was a bit like saying squirrels don't eat pigeons'...and nothing _fit_. And then my _little brother_ came up with that. And after howling for like twenty minutes, he made me promise to use it. So..yeah.... Don't blame me. My _little brother_ came up with that one. XD bwahahahahahahaha..


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